


Second Love

by MiaMoonWolf



Series: For the Love, I'd Fallen on [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Incomplete, M/M, POV Tachibana Makoto, Rin / Haru / Mako are childhood friends still, Sex, Slow Build, Will not be completed / dropped, Yamazaki and Rin are still childhood friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-04 08:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaMoonWolf/pseuds/MiaMoonWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*This work is incomplete - in perpetuity* </p><p> </p><p>Makoto has had the worst summer of his life. He'd been so in love, but then it had ended and he had broken for the first time in his life. He didn't know how to put himself back together again.<br/>But he was going to try to figure out a way how. And maybe just maybe he'd be able to find someone who would treat his heart with more care the next time around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Beach

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to get this started, but this is really just setting the stage :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy what comes after this snippet!

_November 20_

 

His head in his arms, his feet in the sand, Makoto could hear the waves crashing. The ocean scared him. That fear was a constant in his life. But the fear he was feeling now was a shape shifter. It was smoke in his hands.

He had called his senpai from college.

“My cousin had this same thing happen to him, he said that he drank a lot of vodka.”

“Did it help?”

“I don’t think so. See you tomorrow Makoto.” _Click_

Well Makoto had the vodka bottle next to him in the sand. 

It was strange how he could think of nothing and yet everything all at once. He lay down on his side and watched the water.

_“This is Yamashita Kaoru” Rin said. “He’s at the training camp with me and Haru. Kaoru this is my childhood friend Tachibana Makoto.”_

_“Hey it’s nice to meet you Makoto.”_

_“You too, let me get you a drink.”_

Makoto rolled onto his back.

_“Kaoru I really like you.”_

_“Oh I didn’t realize. I’m sorry I just got out of a relationship I don’t know if I can reciprocate your feelings.”_

Makoto should’ve known then. What starts in chaos ends in chaos – that had been Haru’s only comment when Makoto told him that he was going to keep trying for Kaoru, that he would wait for him to be ready.

They had ended up spending time with each other’s friends. Makoto had lived with Rin and Haru that summer near their training camp for professional swimming. Makoto was in college so he was doing a part time job while he mooched off of their extra bedroom. Mid-August he’d be returning to Iwatobi to visit his parents for a for weeks before the semester started

_“Hey Makoto I like you too, I don’t know when it happened, but it did.”_

Makoto scoffed yeah right he had ‘loved him.’ Sure that’s what had happened. He reached for the vodka bottle and took another swig.

_“Wait Kaoru I’ve never done this before.”_

_“What?”_

_“I didn’t realize that this is what sex was between two men.”_

Makoto had been naïve. But Kaoru knew that. Actually as it turned out there was a lot that Kaoru knew. When Makoto had asked him why he didn’t want to date him anymore Kaoru had said that he couldn’t really give an answer. Kaoru had become depressed. Makoto knew that, but he had stayed with Kaoru and been supportive.

After they broke up Kaoru hadn’t called, even though he had said that he wanted to be friends. In fact when they broke up Kaoru had called Makoto _a close friend._

Makoto didn’t understand. Kaoru had been his first. His first everything. His first love. The first person he had had sex with. The first person that he had talked about the future with. And yet it had only lasted the summer.

It hurt so bad.

_Why are you flipping out at me Makoto?_

He had just wanted to remain friends. He hadn’t even messaged Kaoru that often, only once every couple weeks. But Makoto didn’t know that apparently that’s not what people wanted when they broke up with you. He was pathetic he didn’t even know how to be dumped. He didn’t like this lack of closure. He wanted to feel like he was worth something. Like his first love still thought of him as a human being at least.

But fate was cruel.

_Kaoru it’s fine if you don’t want to talk anymore, just let me know._

_No, it’s ok we can talk._

And yet every time he had tried to talk to Kaoru, Kaoru had been dismissive.

Makoto still wanted to be with Kaoru, but already he realized that that didn’t make sense for him anymore. His head told him that he hurt because he cared so much and that that was a good thing. But his heart was crying out that it couldn’t give anymore than it already had.

Makoto grabbed the bottle and stood up. The breeze felt good.

He walked on the shoreline.

_“Makoto love me!”_

_“Hah be careful Kaoru I’m trying to cook.”_

He had been smiling then, but now his head just felt heavy.

_“We’ve only been doing long-distance for a month. How can you already be done after only a month?”_

_“I’m so sorry Makoto I never meant to hurt you.”_

He turned towards the steps that led up to the boardwalk.

Today was two months since the breakup and one of the only _real_ things that Kaoru had told him in the past two months was…

_“There are so many people out there, sure you might get hurt, but you might as well have fun in the meantime right?”_

No, definitely no. Kaoru had been too observant to be that irresponsible. Makoto had felt naked the day that he had realized how much Kaoru could tell about him. Makoto was simple. He knew that. But Kaoru shouldn’t have been able to tell so many things about how Makoto thought, how he felt. Makoto felt exposed, vulnerable.

He turned onto the street that led towards his apartment.

How could he let this go. He knew that he was spiraling. He took another drink. But he didn’t know how to stop.


	2. I Kept Thinking That I Should Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto wants a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for taking the chapter down right after I had posted it. I realized that my timeline wasn't well defined so I did a bit of an overhaul. 
> 
> This story is supposed to be about Makoto growing and maturing and eventually finding love again - it's not a breakup cesspool so I wanted to change some things.
> 
> I've also made a couple of edits to the first chapter just for to help establish the timing of events, but the content is mostly the same.
> 
> Thanks o.o

_2 Months Later – January 21 st _

 

6:00 AM _Beep beep beep beep. SMACK._

Makoto stumbled to the bathroom. He looked down. Great he wasn’t wearing clothes.

Toilet. Teeth. Shower. Hair gel. Walking past his roommate naked.

“You either had a really good night or a really bad one.”

Makoto left the door open while he changed. Shigino brought him coffee.

“Yeah it was a bad night.”

“Figured. Hey I get off work at ten tonight, but it’s a Friday so if you need to get out we can go to the bar, club, McDonald’s, wherever.”

“Yeah I get off at 9:30 so I’ll come by the shop after. Let’s go to Jay’s.”

“Cool. Skank.”

“What?”

“I was just practicing saying bad names for when we trash talk your ex later.”

Makoto shoved him out of the room.

*

Intro to Journalism at 8:00 AM was pure torture. It was required for his Literature major. Usually it was a fine class. But ever since Makoto had started being ‘not ok’ things that used to be ok had also become ‘not ok.’

Last night had made 4 months since the breakup. It seemed that he had developed a new kind of anniversary. In fact now that he thought about it he didn’t even remember what his actual anniversary date had been.

He checked his phone. Nothing. Oh and look it was only 8:14. Crap.

Some things had improved over time he noted. _Time._ Every breakup article online had said that that was the biggest factor. He had been skeptical, but it seemed that maybe they were right after all.

He wasn’t crying all of the time anymore, he wasn’t drinking as much, and he wasn’t waking up to thoughts of Kaoru. God he used to have horrible nightmares – nightmares of him and Kaoru doing the mundane and being happy. It was the worst kind of torture when he would wake up from those just to be faced with stark reality.

The bell rang at 10:00. Makoto was out of there. The rest of the day continued to slink along at a snails pace.

At 12:00 he had Brit Lit II. This class he could survive, because in this class he had Gou. And either they were engaging in interesting discussions as a class, or he and Gou were playing Brit Lit hangman in which they guessed quotes from their favorite novels.  

Class was over at 2:00 and he made his way to the gym. Ok. Pumping iron. Endorphins. Attracting new people. Well he went through the motions as he did everyday. Two months post-breakup he had decided to get at least some of his shit together. Since then he had made it a goal to go to the gym five days a week.

He was walking through the Science building to get to the lot where his bike was. And then he had a memory.

The strangest thing is that it would hit him at the most random times. Makoto had always been afraid of heights. But when he was younger he had thought that Ferris Wheels were amazing. And although it was the worst kind of manga cliché he knew that he wanted to go up in one on a date. He had told Kaoru. And up they had gone.

_“Thank you.”_

_“I’m glad you’re happy.”_

Makoto went into the closest bathroom. Last stall. Lock that door. Ok now just sit down. He was crying. During the first month he would often just double over and not be able to breathe with how hard the tears came. But it hadn’t happened in a while. And it had never happened in public. Well not until now anyways.

It lasted a few minutes. Makoto cleaned himself up as best he could. He got on his bike and sped off to work.

“Yo, you’re late. I think this is a first for you.”

“Yeah I’m really sorry Mikoshiba it won’t happen again.”

“Are you hungover?”

“Well I’m not now.”

“Great, Momo’s freaking out cause he thinks that you’ve abandoned him, so take this,” he threw a black apron at his head, “and get your cute butt out to take orders.”

Makoto’s job was at La Lumière. The café was small, but it had a big window facing the sidewalk and two outdoor tables in addition to the four small tables inside. Mikoshiba was a manager and in his last year at the same college as Makoto. He’d been the one that Makoto had called to ask what to do when Kaoru had first broken up with him.

Although the vodka nights had been rare since that first one, there had still been a few. Last night had been on of them.

“Makoto! Sei said that you were going to leave for Switzerland!”

“Why would I go to Switzerland?”

“Switzerland is good for skiing, hiking, and becoming at peace with the world. They also have tasty food, and-”

“Ok right, maybe you should go there?” Makoto ducked behind the coffee bar.

“Nah not for me. I want to go to France.”

The nice thing about working with Momo was that he directed the conversation. Makoto needed that a lot of the time. When he was alone he wanted to be with people, but usually when he was with people he just wanted to be alone. But with Momo he didn’t have to participate any more than he wanted to. It put Makoto at ease. It was actually part of why he had asked Seijuurou for more shifts, not that Momo would ever hear it.

At 9:30 he took his apron off and went to grab his stuff from the back.

“Hey Makoto.”

“Yeah Mikoshiba?”

“I know I said that sometimes drinking would help, but you’re not… it only helps so much you know?”

Makoto’s eyes widened.

“No I know… I haven’t actually been drinking that often, not anymore anyways. I know that I can’t deal with any more problems right now, so I’m being careful with it. Last night was just you know. It had been a four months since… that’s all.”

“Ok, hey sorry I don’t mean to parent you.”

“No I get it. Honestly your concern means a lot, I know you’re not trying to be an ass. But really it’s fine. I mean it’s not fine, I’m not fine, but the drinking isn’t an issue. If you want reassurance you can talk to Shigino about it, I really don’t mind.”

“Nah it’s ok.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow Mikoshiba.”

“Yeah, bye Makoto.”

*

Shigino and Makoto walked down the street from the big bookstore that Shigino worked at to Jay’s. The lounge was a good setting for people who wanted to have quiet conversations and drink good beer, wine, or cocktails.

“So how’s the dumbass doing?”

Makoto shrugged.

“What happened to not letting anyone say anything bad about him,” Shigino said giving him a knowing look. That was true Makoto thought. In the past when Shigino or other people would call Kaoru names Makoto would always said _‘It’ll just make me feel like a bad person if I let my friends say mean things about him, I mean I liked him for a reason right? So don’t call him that.’_

“Well we don’t really talk anymore.” Which, after four months, Makoto realized was a good thing.

“How’s that going for you?” Shigino asked as he took off his blazer and put his beer down on their high-table in the corner.

“Honestly I’m relieved, it was exhausting.” I got to the point where I didn’t even care anymore, Makoto thought to himself.

“Hah yeah I can see that.”

“Anyways, how was work?”

“Same old same old. Yours?”

“It was fine. Momo was telling me about his latest plans to get Gou to date him.”

Shigino arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah it’s not going to work,” Makoto said cracking a smile.

“Isn’t she seeing someone?”

“Yeah, Mizukawa, he’s a senior in our department.”

“Isn’t he pretty popular?”

“Yeah I think so, but you know Gou. Most everyone likes her.”

“Hmm sounds like someone else that I know.” Shigino leaned back and took a long sip of beer before looking around the rest of the bar. “So really how are you doing?” He made it sound casual, but he and Makoto both knew that it wasn’t. It was an invitation to get down to the real reason why they were here. Usually they didn’t talk about it, but Shigino did check in sometimes.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but I just wish that I knew how to do this. There’s no manual and I feel like…” he took a breath. “I feel like everything I do is wrong. I feel really badly about myself.” Makoto stared into his beer. “I’ve accomplished the break up, but now I don’t know how to get back to being me again.”

Shigino was quiet for a moment. Pensive.

“You know back after my mom passed away I had a similar feeling,” Shigino said quietly. “I started amping up the parts of myself that reflected her, I felt confused that she had been the one to die in the crash.” He looked up at Makoto and Makoto could tell that Shigino was reliving something in his mind. He looked older as if he had seen things that no one should see.

“I think that if you talked to someone it might be good for you,” Shigino said. “You process vocally. And you’re right no one knows how to handle situations like this. You could just try it and see. I needed a lot of therapy to be whole again after…”

They sat there in silence for a moment. Each thinking about their own situation.

“I think that’s probably a good idea. When I talked to Rin on the phone the other day he suggested it to.” Makoto felt tired all of a sudden.

“Hey, why don’t we table this for now, we’ll talk about it later,” Shigino said.

“Yeah, ok.”

“Nanase’s coming back from England soon right? When’s he getting to Tokyo?”

“Next Friday,” Makoto said feeling slightly relieved.  


	3. Wash Away All the Things You’ve Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto goes too far and ends up making a difficult choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is from “Big Girls Cry” by Sia

Haru opened the door in an apron and his swim trunks.

“Haru-chan!” Makoto hugged Haru hard. “Mackerel?”

Haru nodded before going back into the tiny apartment that he shared with Rin.

“Hey is that Mako?”

Makoto made his way into the living room where Rin was sorting through some books.

“I see that you’re following in Haru’s footsteps” Makoto said as he took in Rin’s appearance, “foregoing the shirt?”

“We’ve become a shirtless establishment.”

Haru came in with the food.

“Let’s eat.” They squashed around the small table in the kitchen.

“So how was the end of the training camp?”

Haru gave a noncommittal grunt and a raise of his shoulders. So it had gone ok.

Makoto just laughed and turned to Rin.

“Yeah, there were a couple of different teams there. Haru and my team came in second at our mock race at the end, but we both placed in our events. It’s not official so it didn’t count for anything, but it’s always good to know where you stand against the competition.”

“That’s really great Rin, Haru,” Makoto said as he ate. “The apartment looks a little different from the last time I was here.”

“Yeah I’m starting to think that Haru’s books are procreating all on their own.”

Haru had taken to reading large tomes on Buddhism, Confucianism, Sufism, well and there was more, but Makoto couldn’t remember them all. _What starts in chaos ends in chaos_ yep that little gem had come from Haru’s new ideological pursuits.

“It must be nice having such a big hobby,” Makoto sighed as he eyed the mountain of books.

“Could’ve chosen one that took up less space though, like learning guitar. You have your one guitar and that's it.”

“I don’t sing,” Haru said as he grabbed Makoto’s bowl to get him more food.

“Yeah well you could,” Rin called after him.

“You know then you’d be hearing the same thing over and over again while he practiced,” Makoto said quietly.

Rin’s eyes went wide. “Haru your books are fine. Makoto have you heard from Kaoru recently?”

Makoto stiffened. Haru put the bowls down carefully giving Rin a questioning look.

“No… we don’t talk that much anymore.”  He had seen pictures of Kaoru on facebook cuddling up to some guy from his swim team. Makoto had been drinking because… well it had been the four month mark…

_“Are you dating him?”_

_“Who?”_

_“That guy in all of your photos. I thought that if you had fallen for someone else then it would make sense as to why you didn’t want to be with me.”_

_“I may be a shitty person, but I’m not like that.” Click._

Makoto felt ashamed.

“I asked him if he was dating that guy. I know I shouldn’t have, that you told me that I shouldn’t,” Makoto said looking up at Rin.

Rin just looked sad. According to the internet Makoto was now a “crazy ex” – all of the lists said so.  

A couple days after he had drunk dialed Kaoru Makoto had freaked out and realized that he was definitely out of control. He had wanted Kaoru to say yes. Then Makoto could hate him. He’d gone to the guidance office at school that same day and set up an appointment for two weeks down the line.

“Let it go.”

Makoto looked up and Haru was staring at him: how can I do that Haru?

Haru set his jaw in a look that clearly said: because you’re losing yourself.

Makoto let out a shaky breath “I know. I’m meeting with someone from my schools guidance office.”

They sat in silence for a little while.

“I could also lend you some of my books.”

“No!” Makoto and Rin yelled in unison.

“Uh, that won’t be necessary,” Makoto said quickly. He needed to get his shit together fast.

“Makoto we just set up our xbox, it’s time for a rematch”

“Great.” Makoto quickly followed Rin over to the tv.

*

The only other person that Makoto had told that he was going to therapy was Shigino.

They were sitting on the couch taking quizzes on buzzfeed together.

“So how did your session go?”

Makoto frowned. How had it gone?

“It was really… boring.”

Shigino let out a snort. “The first few sessions are never helpful.”

“Good to know. Ok I got Hufflepuff.”

“Figures. I’m in Slytherin.”

“That can’t be right, let me see!” Makoto tackled Shigino. Several bruises and a flipped table later Makoto held up the phone triumphant. The app had refreshed. They decided that maybe they should separate so that they could study.

*

Thursday night found Makoto finishing up his shift at La Lumière. Gou was going to bring Mizukawa to meet them. Makoto had his doubts about the wisdom of holding this meeting here, but Gou didn’t seem to mind so…

“Makoto! This is Mizukawa senpai. I don’t think that you’ve met before.”

“I don’t believe so, hey I’m Tachibana Makoto.”

“Mizukawa Shin, nice to finally meet you.”

“What do you guys want to drink? It’s on the house.”

“Oh no we couldn’t,” Gou said quickly.

“Nonsense,” Mikoshiba said as he strode out and introduced himself. Momo also appeared and was surprisingly formal when he introduced himself as well. If Momo was hurting he hid it well Makoto thought.

They settled on cappuccino’s all around and Mikoshiba began to get everything ready for closing, because they were officially after hours now.

“So how’d you meet?” Momo asked.

“I was actually the TA for her creative writing class. Kou’s really talented, we ended up discussing her work at length.”

“We went over my allotted time, so we met outside of office hours to keep discussing my writing. Mizukawa senpai was really helpful.”

“That’s a really nice way of meeting,” Makoto said fondly.

“Having similar passions is a good catalyst for a relationship,” Mizukawa said as he smiled at Gou softly.

They ended up talking for quite some time. Makoto could see why Gou liked him, she was earnest and quiet and he seemed to have a similar grace.

Mikoshiba had to leave early for a group project meeting for his business thesis. The café was owned by the Mikoshiba family and Seijuurou was planning on taking it over after Mikoshiba senior retired. Momo also left giving a hurried explanation about needing to get home. So Makoto had said that he’d lock up after.

“Hey where’s the bathroom Makoto,” Gou asked as she got up.

“Past that green door.”

And off Gou went.

“Kou talks about you a lot.”

“Yeah we grew up together.”

“She said that she managed your swim team?”

“Oh yeah! We spent a lot of time together in high school, and her older brother is dating my best friend.”

“Oh? What about you are you seeing anyone?”

“Ah no, I’m not.”

“Huh,” Mizukawa said looking like he was deep in thought.

Makoto had a thought then.

“Hey you know th-that,” he could feel himself getting flustered, “I’m gay.”

Mizukawa looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“Uh, that’s fine,” Mizukawa said shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh god, sorry I thought that you thought that I might like Gou! So that’s why I told you… but now it seems like- I’m not hitting on you or anything.”

“What?” now Mizukawa just looked even more confused.

Gou returned from the bathroom.

“Are you guys ok?”

“Well your friend here just came out to me,” Mizukawa said looking amused.

“I thought that he was insinuating that I was wanted to date you, but then I just made it seem like I was hitting on him,” Makoto grumbled into his lap looking embarrassed.

There was a lot of quiet laughter at his expense.

“No one is worried about those accusations except for yourself Makoto. Right senpai?”

“Of course. Makoto I didn’t mean to fluster you. And Kou I told you that you don’t have to call me senpai,” Mizukawa said as he tried to wipe the smile off of his face.

Makoto got home well past midnight. Mizukawa seemed like a pretty cool guy. Or at least he was still nice to Makoto even after Makoto acted like an idiot.

*

After his shift on Friday he returned to the beach. He needed to think.

 _The mind is everything. What you think you become._ Haru’s latest advice had been out of the blue during their phone call on Wednesday. But Haru was always very aware of Makoto’s thoughts. And Haru was right. Makoto wasn’t going to contact Kaoru again. What he had done before was a mistake. He wanted to hate Kaoru, and he’d been fishing for a reason to hate him. Whether he was with that guy or not shouldn’t matter to Makoto. What mattered is what Makoto thought about Kaoru. Well no what mattered was what Makoto thought of _himself._

Kaoru wasn’t who Makoto had fallen in love with, in fact he wasn’t even sure if that person had ever existed in the first place.

“I have to let this go,” he said to himself. He could hate Kaoru if it would help him move on, as Rin put it the fact that Kaoru had left him so abruptly was validation enough for his feelings. He needed to stop fighting himself on this. Just let it go Makoto. He didn’t steal your heart, you have the power to have it back now. It’s time to find yourself. It’s time to re-meet Tachibana Makoto.

He leaned back against a tree and opened his bag to find the empty bottle of vodka. He wanted to throw it into the ocean, for symbolic reasons. But well he’d have to settle for the garbage can instead.

He was moving forward.


	4. We Found Each Other In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has a rough night. And for once it has nothing to do with his ex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a song title from City and Colours' album "Little Hell."

“So, and tell me if this isn’t what you’re saying, but you feel like he manipulated you?”

“Yeah, well no. I’m not sure that’s the problem.”

“What does it mean for you if he is manipulative?”

“Well it means that I’m naïve. How am I supposed to trust someone when I can’t even tell who’s good and who isn’t?”

“And if he’s not a manipulator do you still think that you’re naïve?”

Well not after everything that happened, my world has definitely been expanded.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Tachibana-san, I think that you need to ask yourself why you’re letting someone else define who you are. You should be proud that you’re doing so well. We grow from our experiences. As far as feeling lost, that’s natural. But you still seem to be kind and caring, which from what I’ve gathered is also how you were before you met Kaoru-san.”

*

“I need a hobby.”

“When are you going to have time for that? You barely have time to see us with school and how much you work,” Rin said looking sad.

“Don’t worry Rin, I’ll still have time for you and Haru,” Makoto said laughing.

Haru dumped a pile of books in front of Makoto. _Buddhism for Beginners, How to Love as Confucius Lived, The Daily Buddha, Hindu Texts: it’s not a belief it’s a-_ Makoto looked up.

“Not this hobby.”

Haru snatched the books up looking sulky.

“Hey Haru.” Haru dumped the books down and turned to Makoto, arms folded.

“How did you start this?”

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

Silence.

“I found a book at a garage sale,” Haru said looking uncomfortable.

“Haru are you serious,” Rin said looking pissed. “Where? Which house?”

Makoto had the distinct impression that Rin was planning arson.

“It’s been helpful,” Makoto said quickly, “I was just asking as a starting place of where to find my hobby.”

“Well… a bookstore isn’t a bad place to start looking,” Rin said.

Makoto turned to Haru. Haru shrugged: sounds reasonable.

“Ok I’m heading out I’ll see you guys later,” Rin said as he grabbed his keys and jetted.

Makoto went to sit by Haru.

“So what is the most important thing that you’ve learned from all of this?” Makoto asked.

Haru gave him the: cut-your-teacher-voice look. Makoto raised his palms in surrender.

Silence. Makoto jumped when Haru finally spoke again, he hadn’t expected an answer, not really.

“You know who Maya Angelou is?”

Makoto nodded.

“‘I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better I do better.’ Before we graduated high school I didn’t know what I wanted.”

And although Haru hadn’t said it, there was an implied _but now I know what I want._ Maybe Haru just needed someone else’s words to be able to speak what he actually thought. Since they had graduated Haru had in fact grown more articulate, but it hadn’t been until this hobby of his started that he’d begun to speak so much.  Haru wanted to do better.

“You’ve grown wise Haru,” Makoto murmured.

Haru looked annoyed, and Makoto just laughed, but he hadn’t meant it to be patronizing.

“Makoto, this is what I’ve learned for you: it doesn’t matter if someone else likes you. You need to learn to like yourself.” And Haru’s gaze was piercing. Too piercing. Makoto had to look away before he could look back again.

“Thanks Haru.”

*

After his classes had finished for the day, Makoto went to the bookstore that Shigino worked at.

There were books on nutrition, foreign language learning, how to build a commune, becoming a wine connoisseur, but none of it felt like it was _Makoto’s thing._

*

He went to a public park, a café, he even stepped foot in a church before scampering out fast as his feet would fly. One day he stopped by a thrift store, the next day it was a hair salon, although then he had to awkwardly explain that he didn’t actually need a haircut. After a week of searching during every moment of his spare time that wasn’t dedicated to studying, he was still no closer to finding what he was looking for. Great, his search for “Makoto” had died before it had even found wings to fly with.

*

The café was open 24/7 except for Thursday and Friday nights when it closed from 10:00 to 4:00 – Mikoshiba senior had told Makoto bluntly that everyone deserved a fucking night or two off.  Well yes. Yes sir.

Makoto usually worked the Sunday morning shift, but this week he had switched to the Saturday night graveyard shift to cover for Harada. Usually it was pretty quiet, but tonight it was exceptionally true. In fact he hadn’t seen anyone for an hour.

He was reading Dostoyevsky when he saw someone walking fast past the shop before stopping abruptly and looking at the sign and then looking in. Makoto didn’t have time to look away before he was staring into a pair of bright teal eyes. The man looked to his right and then down at the ground before opening the door.

“Welcome,” Makoto said as he smiled broadly, but then “Ya-Yamazaki?”

Yamazaki stared at him before recognition seemed to set in, “Ta-chi-ba-na, yo.”

He could smell alcohol on his breath.

“I didn’t realize that you lived around here.”

“Yeah I’m actually working at the uh, the Akashi Corp. building in Ginza.”

So he wasn’t swimming anymore. And now that Makoto thought about it, it was strange that Yamazaki was wearing a suit this late on a Saturday.

“We had a company party,” Yamazaki said as if reading Makoto’s mind.

He sat down at the bar.

“You want me to bring you some coffee, tea?”

“Coffee.”

Makoto didn’t want to pry but he thought work was a safe subject if Yamazaki had brought it up first.

“So no college?”

“I did a business prep school for a year.”

Makoto got out the different blends for him to choose from before starting a new pot.

“Akashi Corp. is a pretty prestigious company.”

“Haha yeah I guess, but I’m just a low guy on the totem pole right now. What about you?”

“Oh, I go to university in Asakusa.”

“Major?”

“Literature.”

Makoto smiled at him about to pour the coffee when he looked down. He could feel the blush creeping up his face. He had placed a “to-stay” cup out without even asking.

“Uhm, ‘to-go?’”

Yamazaki eyed him for a minute. It was a calculating look. He looked up at the ceiling and said ‘to-stay’ is fine, unless…” he looked pointedly at Makoto’s book.

“Haha really I’ll uh get back to the mayhem later so for now… it’s fine to talk.”

*

Makoto was surprisingly alert when his shift ended at 4:00 AM. He grabbed the pastries from the day before, which would be seeing the bottom of the garbage unless he took them.

*

Makoto smacked his alarm. So annoying. But the noise didn’t stop.

_Turn your phone over, when it’s-_

Makoto gave a groan – it wasn’t his alarm. He rolled over and looked at the clock 7:42 AM.

_I need to be alone like the way you left me_

Oh that was it. Makoto busted out of his room in annoyance and headed straight for Shigino’s room. Without even knocking he smacked the door open.

“Shigino the hell are you blasting at this ungodly ho-”

He stopped dead in his tracks.

Shigino was sitting on the edge of his bed completely naked, and crouched down between his legs was… was.

Makoto’s brain did not compute. He whipped around painfully aware that he was only wearing his boxers. He ran to his room and pulled on his clothes from the day before. Cellphone. Book bag. He heard Shigino yell something at him. Keys. Gone.

*

He let himself into Haru and Rins with the spare key. He knew that they’re training was early in the morning so there was no one home. He sat at the table and stared at the wall. At some point he took his phone, three missed calls and seven texts, some from Shigino and some from… Makoto ignored these and numbly typed a message to Rin and Haru

_At your place. I’ll explain later._

_Nothing’s wrong though, so don’t worry._

Ok maybe food would be a good idea. As he stood up he had a flash of memory.

That had definitely been… his brain short-circuited

Fuck what was wrong with him. And the hell? But… but… oh god how could he go to work now?

Usually when something this wild happened Makoto would message Shigino about it, but well… given the circumstances.

Makoto plopped down on the couch – there was no way that he could eat right now.

*

He woke up to Haru shaking him lightly.

“Makoto? Mako…”

“Hnn.”

He blinked his eyes open.

Rin and Haru were both crouching over him in concern.

“Shigino’s been calling you.”

Makoto bolted upright, fear in his eyes.

“What’d you tell him?”

Haru looked startled.

“The hell Makoto,” Rin said fiercely. “We told him that you were fine.”

Makoto exhaled slowly.

“BUT when we asked what happened he said that it had been a misunderstanding. That he thought you were at work?”

Oh… well yeah he hadn’t told Shigino that he had switched his shift…

“What happened?” Haru said quietly.

“I saw,” Makoto felt like a man haunted by ghosts. He should have knocked.

“It was Shigino and Mikoshiba….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Shigino is playing is "Heartbeat" by Childish Gambino.  
> Please feel free to leave comments or suggestions. I always want to improve.


	5. I’ve Got Thick Skin and an Elastic Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's friends tell him about their relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “Elastic Heart” by Sia.  
> I also wrote a companion piece "Until I Got Up Close I’d Never Known" for Kisumi x Mikoshiba that happens before this chapter :)

It was Sunday night and Makoto had been standing outside of his door for the past 10 minutes. He didn’t want to have this conversation.

The door swung open. “I was afraid that you might never decide to come in,” Shigino said.

His face was pale, he looked like he had been crying.

Makoto felt his stomach drop. Shigino had probably spent all day worrying and waiting and he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

Makoto watched as Shigino walked to the kitchen with the same blank look on his face. He pulled out two glasses and poured water into them before handing one to Makoto; Shigino was on autopilot.

Makoto dumped his bag on the couch before sitting down. Shigino hovered.

“You should sit down,” Makoto said. He had tried to sound as kind as he could.

Shigino sat down carefully.

“I- I’m really sorry Makoto, I was going to tell you I just…”

Makoto had an idea about it. Shigino might’ve thought that seeing yet another couple of his friends pair off would hurt him by reminding him of the break up.

“No, Shigino look, I freaked out because I was surprised. It’s totally ok. I switched my work schedule so there’s no way that you could’ve known.”

“Yeah,” Shigino said nodding his head as if he was trying to convince himself.

“And you don’t have to tell me anything, but you know that you always _can_ tell me right? I don’t want Kaoru to fuck anything else up for me.”

Shigino seemed to take a little while to catch up, but then he looked relieved, so incredibly relieved. “Ok,” he said shakily. “So everything’s ok now.”

“Yeah everything’s ok,” Makoto smiled reassuringly and he hugged Shigino holding on and trying to show that everything would be fine, that he was sorry.

*

Makoto lay in bed that night unable to sleep. He wasn’t used to being the cause for alarm and distress in his friendships. He had hurt Shigino and that wasn’t like him.

*

Makoto must have fallen into the Twilight Zone. Everything and nothing made sense all at once. On the one hand this conversation was unreal. On the other hand he wasn’t sure why it was happening at all.

“So you see we also thought how Shigino did, but please don’t be angry,” said an increasingly frantic Rin. Haru just looked bored.

“Um ok?” Makoto said, he looked to Haru: was that the right answer?

Haru shrugged: who the hell knows.

Makoto decided to cut to the chase when he saw that Rin was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Rin.” Rin froze mid-pace like a small animal caught in a trap. “Uh you know that I already knew that you and Haru were dating right? I mean this has been in the works for years.” _Also that second bedroom isn’t fooling anyone._ Makoto was about to laugh good-naturedly when he saw that Rin looked pissed.

“Haru told you!”

“Uh he didn’t have to?”

“What? Oh,” Rin crossed his arms before uncrossing them again.

“So um, if we’re good I kind of have to get to work,” Makoto said after giving Rin a reassuring smile.

Haru gave him a nod, and he left.

*

He had almost forgotten that this would be the first time that he’d seen Mikoshiba after the incident, and he wasn’t sure that he could handle much more of this drama that was consuming his life. When he entered Mikoshiba gave him a long look over before throwing Makoto’s apron at him with a wide smile. He gave his booming laugh as he clapped Makoto on the shoulder. Makoto figured that Shigino must’ve told him that everything was fine. Thank God for Mikoshiba who felt no need to have big confrontations.

*

Intro to Journalism was as dull as ever. His mind began to wander until he remembered meeting Yamazaki the other night. It seemed that with all of the excitement surrounding his friends Makoto had completely forgotten about his run-in. He typed out a quick text to Rin.

_To: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_Hey, forgot to mention that I ran_

_into Yamazaki the other night_  ლ(＾ω＾ლ)　

 

He looked back up at the board.

 

_Bzz bzz bzz_

_From: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_Come drinking with us._

_To: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_When o.O_

_From: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_This Saturday_

_To: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_Is Haru coming?_

 

_From: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_You think that he’d see Sousuke willingly?_

Makoto chuckled before remembering that he was in class and looking around conspicuously. No one had noticed.

_To: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_Where / when_

_From: Matsuoka Rin_ ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

_The Grave at 10:00_

Makoto turned his phone over and tried to focus for the rest of class.

*

It was around 5:00 PM when Makoto looked up from the coffee that he was setting out behind the bar, and saw one of the most terrifyingly beautiful women that he had ever seen in his life.

She had that sort of timeless confidence that demanded respect from whichever space she entered. Makoto put the bag down and watched as she approached the counter. Oh boy. Good luck Momo.

“Momo-kun.” Wait what? Had she just used his name on a friend to friend basis?

“Asako-san,” Momo said grinning. “I’m glad you decided to stop by.” So they did know each other.

“I had a break before my next meeting and I thought I’d stop by for a- what did you call it?”

“A _la dame_ ” Momo said as he moved over to start preparing the drink. This Asako person followed him on the other side of the bar and took a seat on one of the high stools so that they could continue talking.

“This is going to be the smoothest thing you’ve ever had,” Momo continued pleasantly as he got to work.

Makoto saw a slight movement out of the corner of his eye. Mikoshiba senior was frozen in the doorway between the back and the café. Makoto raised his eyes in a silent question, but Mikoshiba just gave a small shake of his head before looking back towards the counter.

It was strange seeing his usually hyperactive kouhai so cool and collected. It was even more unusual that he seemed so at ease with this terrifying creature.

Makoto finally realized that he was supposed to be working too, so he quickly resumed his coffee sorting.

The woman stayed for about ten minutes chatting quietly with Momo before saying that she had to go to her meeting. When she went to pay, Makoto half expected Momo to yell her down and say that it was on him, but he just took the money, thanked her and watched her leave.

Makoto and Mikoshiba also watched her go and then turned to Momo in a silent demand for an explanation.

Momo stiffened.

“What?”

“Well who is she?” Mikoshiba asked. The direct approach. Nice.

“Oh, she works for Akashi Corp. I actually met her at a meet and greet through a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. I guess we just kind of hit it off.”

This was not the Momotarou that Makoto knew and loved. Apparently Mikoshiba thought the same thing because he ran over to put his hand on Momo’s head, checking for a fever.

“Jeez what? Get off onii-san.”

“But what about Gou?” Mikoshiba said looking horrified.

“Well I guess I just kind of figured that it was time to move on.” Wow.

Mikoshiba let go.

“See Makoto! My little bro is growing up.”

Makoto laughed. “Yeah I suppose so.”

“Ok back to work squirts.”  Makoto stopped dead and stared at Mikoshiba. “What? You’re freaking me out,” he said as he pushed past Makoto laughing.

Makoto was an idiot. An idiot who needed a hobby. And why, pray tell why, had he not realized that that hobby should be swimming. Of course he missed it and thought about it all of the time, but he associated it him competition and thus had avoided it altogether. But if he just swam for the sake of swimming…. Ok back to work he’d consider that later.

*

He showed up a little after 10:00 on Saturday at The Grave. It was a converted wooden dormitory that had taken on a horror / steampunk vibe. In truth Makoto rarely went in because it kind of freaked him out, but there were small numbered alcoves throughout the building that made it ideal for meeting up with smaller groups of people. He made his way to #12 as indicated by a text from Rin. When he got there he saw Yamazaki, Rin, and to his surprise Haru, sitting all together around a dark wooden table that took up most of the room.

“Haru-chan!” he said launching himself at a sulky looking Haruka. Makoto quickly whispered, “I thought that you weren’t coming.”

Haru stared into his eyes: and leave you alone? Makoto was really happy that Haru cared. They may or may not have spent a long time just staring at each other, communicating with their eyes. But to anyone else it would have seemed uncomfortably intimate.

“Hey! Back away from my boyfriend Tachibana!”

Makoto looked over surprised. Rin must have already had quite a bit to drink for him to be pulling out the surnames and talking so casually about his relationship.

Haru just rolled his eyes and sat back down next to Rin who put an arm over his shoulder and gave Makoto the stink eye. Makoto just laughed before taking a seat next to Yamazaki.

“Hey Yamazaki.”

“Yo, nice to see you so soon,” he said.

“Yeah, oh and I brought the book that we talked about at the café.”

“Ah thanks man, I’ve actually wanted to read this one for awhile.”

“No problem, just stop by the café whenever to return it.”

“Sure.” Yamazaki looked intently at the book while Makoto turned back to Rin.

“When’d you guys get here?” he said noticing that they were both looking at him suspiciously. “What?”

Rin shook his head a few too many times, before Haru answered.

“I just got here, but they came early to catch up.”

“Ah,” Makoto said giving Haru a knowing look before eyeing Rin’s drink.

Haru gave a head tilt: exactly.

“What? Stop doing that it’s creepy,” Rin said as he pulled Haru closer to his side. Makoto noticed that although Haru huffed as if exasperated he didn’t push him away.

They caught up on what everyone was doing, and overall it went pretty well if you excused the mutual dislike emanating off of Yamazaki and Haru, Rin’s tendency to shriek anytime he felt his relationship was being threatened, and everyone’s increasing lack of coherence.

Rin and Haru went to go get more drinks for themselves.

“Yamazaki do you still swim?” Makoto probably wouldn’t have asked if he had been sober.

“Nah, I can’t really,” he said as he unconsciously rolled his shoulder.

“You miss it?”

“Everyday,” he sighed out staring down into his beer. “I just had to find other things.” He took a long swig. Makoto realized that he had been tactless.

He brought up the book again, and before he knew it they were talking about Makoto’s classes, and then Yamazaki’s work. Makoto asked if he knew Asako, and apparently he had met her on a couple of projects.

It was so easy Makoto thought. Just talking like this. He hadn’t had so much fun getting to know someone new since… since Kaoru. He felt the grin slip off his face. Shit.

_You look really good in that._

_Yeah? I don’t know I thought that it might make me a look a little-_

_No you look sexy Mako._

He tried to focus back on Yamazaki, but he’d stopped talking.

“You ok?” he said as he leaned in towards Makoto to search his face.

“Ah yeah no I’m good,” he said as enthusiastically as he could, maybe too enthusiastically.

Yamazaki looked down in apparent thought. “You know what? Let’s get out of here.”

“What?” Makoto spluttered.

“Yeah, they’ve been gone for 45 minutes, so I mean…”

“45 minutes!” Makoto checked his watch, it was just after 11:30 they had definitely just left them there. “Uh yeah, yeah ok,” he said as he downed the rest of his beer all thoughts of Kaoru thrown aside.


	6. I'm Very Well Thank You How Do You Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto doesn't sleep and Yamazaki is a kind soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “Northern Lights” by Cider Sky

Makoto sent a quick text to Haru and Rin saying that they were heading out on the off chance that Rin and Haru came back to look for them.

“So where do you want to go Tachibana?”

“Where? I don’t know. Where do people go at this time of night?”

Yamazaki broke into an easy smile as he eyed Makoto.

“Maybe you don't get out as much as I thought.”

“Well I work a lot. Or I hang out with Shigino.”

“Who’s Shigino?”

“Ah my roommate, Kisumi Shigino, we’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Are you guys together?” Yamazaki asked.

“What? No, actually he’s dating my boss.”

Yamazaki started cracking up. Makoto wasn’t used to hearing him laugh so much or so freely. Maybe it’s because he had only seen him a few times and he’d always been grumpy. Something wasn’t right with him and Haru, but Makoto had never figured it out.  

“I’m lucky that I get to live on my own. Hey I have an idea of where to go, you want to walk or get a cab?”

“How far is it?”

“Couple miles.”

“Walk,” Makoto said seriously. Maybe he’d sober up with all of the cool air.

“Alright, this way.”

Yamazaki led them down different quiet streets and alleys. They talked about a lot of random things before they turned to the subject of Haru and Rin.

“Rin’s been with Haru for over a year now.”

“I always knew they’d end up together,” Makoto said easily.

Yamazaki looked confused. “How?”

“Haru’s different around Rin. He’s more… passionate about things when it comes to Rin. Whether it’s swimming or expressing himself, whatever.” Makoto laughed good-naturedly. There’d been a time when he’d been jealous of that connection, but he’d realized that Rin was special to Haru. Makoto understood that he was important too. It wasn’t the same but they were both important.

Yamazaki stayed quiet.

“Yamazaki what do you think?”

“I think that you should call me Sousuke.”

Makoto totally forgot what they’d been talking about before. “What?” He said as he hunched in on himself, his cheeks were heating up, who knew why.

“When you call me Yamazaki it makes me feel like I’ve done something bad.”

“Huh?” Makoto didn’t understand, but he definitely didn’t want Yamazaki to feel reprimanded.

“S- Sousuke-kun then,” it sounded strange. “Oh and then you can call me Makoto.”

“Makoto-kun,” Yamazaki said easily. It sounded kind of nice. “Alright here we are.”

Makoto looked up at a tall building. Yamazaki just headed straight in and waved at the doorman on his way to the elevators. Up they went to the roof.

The doors opened and they stepped out. It was a rooftop garden with a few small tables, and an amazing view of the sky. Makoto hurried over to hold onto a rail as he leaned back and looked out at the city.

“Pretty cool huh?”

Makoto just took it all in. The busy streets, the twinkling lights, even the buzz of laughter on the air as people wandered around below.

“Do you come here a lot?”

“Yeah this is one of my spots,” Yamazaki said as he looked out as well, “the city looks really big from up here.”

“A good place to think,” Makoto said as his eyes continued to search the people and buildings.

“And what have you been thinking about lately Makoto-kun?” Yamazaki said as he turned so that his back was leaning against the rail.

Makoto wasn’t sure what to say, it almost seemed like Yamazaki was flirting with him, but that couldn’t be right. And Makoto had never been good at that.

“I don’t really know,” he said as he leaned back, holding onto the bar to support him. He was feeling very small all of a sudden. The big city, the confusing feelings, the thoughts of Kaoru that were always waiting like a tax collector at his door.

_You don’t say I love you anymore_

The words repeated in his mind like an eerie wind blowing through him, making him cold and despondent.  This is why he didn’t go on dates. All those people who said that you had to get back in the game to get over someone were wrong. It hurt knowing that his feelings were supposed to just change like the dying winds of a storm.

This wasn’t a date though, this was just hanging out with an old friend of a friend, and he didn’t even seem to be able to do that without thinking about Kaoru.

He snapped out of it, gasping at the realization that he had been silent for so long. He looked over at Yamazaki nervously, but he had his head back and was looking up at the sky.

“Don’t worry about it,” Yamazaki said when he noticed that Makoto had stopped thinking.

“Worry about what?”

“Whatever it is that you’re worrying about.”

Makoto sighed, Yamazaki didn’t seem to mind that he had just been totally weird.

“I’m not really- I’m not really great company right now,” Makoto said as he shuffled his feet. No need to make new friends just to have them have to deal with your bullshit, he thought sadly.

“Hmm I hadn’t noticed.”

Makoto’s eyes widened as he looked over. But Yamazaki’s lips were turned up into a small smile, his eyes softening.

“Thanks,” Makoto said quietly before spotting a vending machine a few feet away. “What do you want?”

Yamazaki followed his line of sight and they walked over to it.

*

Makoto meandered home around 3:00 in the morning.

He let himself in quietly and was surprised to find Shigino passed out on the couch sketches littering the table.

Makoto grabbed the blanket from Shigino’s room before carefully tucking it around him and going to bed.

*

Makoto’s alarm went off at 5:15. He was back to his regular Sunday morning shift. He quickly showered and changed before heading over to work. There were a few party animal students already studying when he got there.

“That guy over there has been here since 12:00AM,” Harada confided in him before passing him his apron.

“It’s almost like people don’t need sleep in this town.”

“You’re telling me, good luck friend,” and Harada left.

Makoto was guzzling coffee to keep from falling asleep standing up.

At 8:00 Mikoshiba came in to get breakfast and coffee for Shigino. And at 9:00 he came back to start his own shift.

“Makoto, what’s with the space cadet look?” Mikoshiba chuckled after Makoto dropped a bag that he was carrying for no apparent reason.

“I went to bed at 3:00,” he said sheepishly.

“Alright, just try not to pass out on me,” Mikoshiba said as he continued to laugh. Makoto felt a surge of affection.

“Mikoshiba, thank you for putting up with my poor life choices,” he said brightly, a new lightness to his day. Mikoshiba just smirked before pushing Makoto towards the cash register.

*

Makoto dragged his ass back home at noon.

“Makoto you’re home!” Shigino said brightly as he looked up from his pile of sketches.

“Shigino,” he said as he tripped into the room.

“Your eyes look like they’ve lost the light of your soul. What time did you get in last night?”

“Three,” Makoto mumbled as he went to his room. He face planted.

*

6:00PM found Makoto and Shigino chugging coffee at a coffee shop down the street from their apartment. Makoto didn’t usually cheat on La Lumière, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And this was a desperate time. Shigino had an Art History test and Makoto had a paper for Brit. Lit II that was looking like a flamingo stuck in a garbage can underwater: colorful, trashy and not very buoyant. Needless to say they needed to get shit done.

*

A few days later Makoto got a text from Yamazaki.

_From: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_I finished the book, when are you working?_

Makoto had completely forgotten that they had exchanged numbers. He sent a quick text back.

 

_To: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_I work friday 3-10. I’m closing for Mikoshiba_

 

That Friday found Momo and Makoto working their shift together. It was almost 9:30 and Yamazaki still hadn’t shown up.

“Momo isn’t your shift done?” Makoto asked as he saw Momo start making a random beverage.

“Yes, but-” the bell over the door tinkled. “Asako-san,” Momo said.

“Momo-kun,” she said happily.

“Here, your drink,” Momo said as he quickly rung her up.

“Thank you so much,” she said as she paid. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, just let me grab my things.” Momo went to the back.

Makoto was so confused, but more importantly he needed to make things un-awkward.

He smiled sweetly before introducing himself. By the time that they had both explained how they knew Momotarou the man himself had reappeared. Makoto waved them off. There was one customer who had just started to gather his things up and otherwise the café was empty.

Makoto began cleaning up. He was just getting ready to close when the door opened. He turned to see Yamazaki standing there in a navy suit.

“It looks like I made it just in time.”

“Yama- Sousuke-kun,” he said as he smiled.

“Here’s your book, it was really good.”

“Yeah the main character is really captivating.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it. You have time to grab a beer?”

“Sure I’ll just close up quick, you can sit down wherever,” Makoto said as he went to lock up the back.


	7. I Don’t Want To Spend My Time Waiting For Lightning to Strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto finishes up the school year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics “A Girl, a Boy and a Graveyard” by Jeremy Messersmith

_April 26 th _

 

Makoto wasn’t sure how it had happened, but he and Sousuke were now “friends.” They met up after work sometimes. They’d gripe about their day, swap books, and catch up over a beer. He’d also get texts from him, not a lot, but a few a week, asking what he was up to or asking what he thought about chapters in the latest book that Sousuke had borrowed.

Makoto had also started spending time with Shigino and Mikoshiba. They were surprisingly calm together. He’d always thought that Mikoshiba would just sweep people up to his pace, but he didn’t, at least not with Shigino. And with Haru and Rin off training so much it was good to have solid friends to hang out with.

Hell even Makoto’s therapy seemed to be going well, he still thought about Kaoru, but it was becoming less and less. And he’d started realizing that the guy wasn’t the greates. There were things that weren’t attractive anymore to Makoto. He used to love how Kaoru would be so private about things, it made him feel like Kaoru respected the privacy of his friends, but Makoto had realized that it was too much; Kaoru was extremely closed off when it came to talking about certain things, and he’d been dismissive of Makoto’s feelings, not even trying to explain anything to Makoto. And well Makoto wanted someone who was a little more open and honest. He also had realized that he was coming back to himself.

He was starting to breathe again.

*

“Makoto! Onii-san is being so mean!”

Makoto startled as he came out of the back. Mikoshiba had Momo in a headlock. There was giggling coming from a table of young women who were drinking tea.

“Mikoshiba Senpai, we have guests,” he said as he watched the women while blindly trying to help Momo.

“Ow,” Momo screeched. Makoto had accidently smacked him in the face. The women started cracking up.

“Hey it’s not funny Kisako-san! Ami-san!”

Momo said as he was finally released and started rubbing his forehead.

“You know them?” Makoto asked incredulously. Because those women were really… quite put together.

“They work at Akashi Corp. too!”

“We've been getting a lot of female patrons from there recently,” Mikoshiba said his eyes twinkling.

Makoto looked over again, it seemed that maybe the brothers had garnered a sort of fan club.

“So is Asako-san coming?” Makoto asked.

“Who knows. She’s so busy, what a hard working woman!” Momo said enthusiastically.

“Hmm you’re probably right. Sousuke-kun said that they had a big presentation for a really big client,” Makoto said as he remembered their conversation from the other night.

“What? Sousuke-kun? Who’s that?”

“Oh,” Makoto said. “He’s just a friend that I met through Rin.”

They looked at him skeptically.

He fidgeted what was that look for? He had friends other than Rin, Haru and Shigino. “He uh works with Asako-san.”

“What’s his family name?”

“Yamazaki?”

“Oh yeah! Asako-san’s mentioned him. He’s kind of serious,” Momo said while scrunching up his eyebrows and making a very unattractive face.

“Haha I suppose so,” Makoto said, although in all honesty Sousuke didn’t seem that serious to him, not anymore anyways.

The bell over the door tinkled.

“Welcome!” they chorused as they turned to the door to see a very impatient looking Sousuke and a radiant Asako-san.

“Asako-san!” Momo bounded up to the cash register as she came over. He rung her up and started making her drink, but Makoto wasn’t paying attention. Makoto walked over to the bar where Sousuke was leaning looking annoyed.

“Sousuke-kun?”

“They want us to change almost half of the work that we’ve done. We’re going to be at the office for about three days straight.”

“You need me to get you some coffee?”

“Yeah the biggest you got,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair.

He wasn’t sure why he did it, but he felt like Sousuke just needed to be comforted. He reached over and squeezed his arm quickly, while smiling softly.

“You’ll get it done,” he said quietly as he retracted his arm and turned towards the coffee machine. He hadn’t noticed Mikoshiba watching them, or the slight exhale that left Sousuke as his shoulders relaxed. 

As he passed Sousuke his coffee he tried to smile in a way that showed how confident he was in his friends abilities. And Sousuke smiled just a little too.

“You free this weekend?” Sousuke asked quickly.

Makoto made a strangled noise. “No, I have so much to do for the end of term. I have three huge essays that I need to keep working on,” he said as he pouted without even realizing how sad he looked.

Sousuke’s face fell a little, before it returned to his usual impassive / casually annoyed expression.

“I probably won’t be able to meet up for a few weeks,” Makoto said.

“Well until next time,” Sousuke said as he waved in farewell.

Makoto felt miserable, at least he and Shigino could be miserable together with their mountains of work.

*

As it turned out Makoto did not get to be miserable with Shigino, because Shigino had barricaded himself in the studio at school.

Makoto on the other hand was running between work, his apartment and school. He’d bring coffee home from work and write until he couldn’t anymore and then wake up and run to school just to hit repeat on this wretched song that had become the soundtrack to his life.

_May 15 th _

 

The day before his last final Haru and Rin were returning from America where they had been training for the past six weeks. Although he was about to pass out from exhaustion he had made plans to go see them as soon as his finals were over.

*

“Haru-chan!” he said as he launched himself through the door at Haruka.

“Stop using chan,” he said, but he hugged Makoto back all the same.

“I’m using your shower!” Makoto said as he bee lined for the bathroom, because well… it had been a couple days.

He stripped and hopped into the shower reveling in the warm spray that hit him.

He heard the door open.

“I brought you some clothes,” Haru said.

“Thanks Haru-chan!” He could practically feel Haru’s steely gaze at the nickname. Makoto laughed as he turned off the water. Haru’s arm appeared holding out a towel for him. He brushed off before wrapping it around his waist and stepping out of the shower.

“How was America?” he asked as he put the shirt on. Haru was leaning against the wall and looking off away from Makoto. They had changed together all the time for swimming so it didn’t really feel weird.

Haru shrugged in response.

“Did you eat a lot of hamburger’s?”

“A few,” he said. “Rin ate more.”

Makoto chuckled. He had finished changing but they kept talking for awhile, mostly silently communicating, before they realized that they should exit the bathroom.

When they opened the door they were met with a constipated looking Rin on the couch and… Sousuke. Makoto smiled at Sousuke, but he had turned his attention to Haruka. The two were now glaring at each other. Makoto looked back to Rin who was looking sulky.

“Did something happen?” Makoto asked tentatively.

Haru let out a huff before turning to Rin, “I’m not banging my best friend.”

Rin flushed looking embarrassed.

“What?” Makoto said looking at Haru in horror.

Haru just gave Rin a withering look as he went to the kitchen.

“Why would you say that?” Rin said as he launched himself off of the couch.

“Because you were looking at me like I was,” Haruka said sounding thoroughly pissed.

“No I-” but the door shut and Makoto couldn’t hear anymore.

He stared after them dumbfounded. He knew that there was no way that Rin actually thought that Haru would ever cheat on him. But then it clicked, they had been standing around in the bathroom. “Oh,” he said as he turned to face Sousuke. Sousuke’s eyes flicked away from him and Makoto went to sit down next to him.

“How’d your project go?” He said as he smiled at Sousuke.

Sousuke side eyed him silently. He looked annoyed, not at Makoto, but at something. Finally he seemed to come to some decision regarding his internal battle and he turned to face Makoto, his shoulders slumped a little.

“It actually went really well, we got the contract.”

“That’s really great!” Makoto said happily. They heard a wail of ‘Haru’ from what sounded like a crying Rin. They both tensed. Their fight wasn’t serious was it? Makoto worried his bottom lip as he stared at the kitchen door.

“Should I talk to them?” he asked Sousuke.

“What?” he sounded startled.

“Well I don’t want Rin to think that we’re-“

“Nah, that’s not the problem. Rin just gets sulky. Nanase’s probably sick of the bullshit,” Sousuke said easily. It was weird hearing Sousuke talk about Haruka and not say something mean. But Makoto didn’t think about that at the moment.

Makoto must have looked worried because Sousuke quickly sat up straighter and backtracked.

“Don’t worry, they’ll probably just yell a little, Rin will apologize for being jealous, and then they’ll make up.”

“Jealous?” Makoto asked, he felt sick. How could Rin possibly be jealous?

They heard a strangled ‘I’m so sorry’ and then what sounded like a happy chuckle a few minutes later, maybe Sousuke was right.

Then they heard nothing, then a shriek and a string of curses from Rin. Haruka opened the door looking unimpressed. Rin was behind him doubled over clutching his gut.

Makoto jolted up off of the couch and ran over to Rin.

“Haru! I thought you had made up,” he said as he helped Rin to a chair.

“Che, that’s for how he wanted to make up,” he said as he took another chair.

Makoto looked at him confused: what?

Haru: don’t ask.

Makoto blushed as he realized how Rin had wanted to make up. “Oh, well… yeah,” he breathed out as he retracted his hold on Rin. He looked down at the floor as he sat back on the couch. 

Everyone was surprisingly cordial after the initial events that had taken place. Even Sousuke and Haruka seemed to be trying to get along. They played video games, watched basketball and talked about the trip to America. Makoto could feel his eyes drooping as they all piled on the couch watching a movie. He was squashed between Haru and Rin.

*

He jerked awake, to the sound of the tv being turned off. When he looked up he realized that he was practically on top of Rin. Rin didn’t seem to mind.

“Sorry,” Makoto said as he sat up, and rubbed his eyes. Haruka was smirking at Rin.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rin muttered. Makoto looked between the two of them unsure what was happening. He had no idea. Then he realized that Yamazaki was stirring from Rin’s other side. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one who had been exhausted.


	8. My Heart Is Strong, But My Will Is Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto meets an old not-friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “The Watchman” by Deep Sea Diver  
> Angst angst angst

Makoto was staying in Tokyo for the summer. He would be taking on more shifts at the café. He had also decided that now was the time to start swimming again. He considered this his last step in the ‘goodbye Kaoru’ process. He felt good, better than he had in a long time as he pulled on his jammers in the pool locker room early on Tuesday morning. It seemed that time really had done it’s part to heal his heart.

He stretched near the pool, making sure that his muscles were warmed up and ready to go. He had told himself that it would just be a test run, it would be ok if he wasn’t anywhere close to where he’d been in high school. He plopped into an empty lane and pulled on his goggles. He pulled his legs up to the starting block. Deep breath in, deep breath out and he was off. The water seemed to wrap around him like an old friend, it was exhilarating and comforting all at once and all he could do was embrace it back as he pushed himself as hard as he could. He just wanted to feel free again. He was gasping for breath by the time he made it back, having done no pacing at all. He felt his sore muscles and decided to slowly try out the strokes. Smiling to himself as he thought about Haru and Rin and all of his other friends from his days back in Iwatobi. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this feeling.

*

The café had gotten two new part timers over the summer: Rei Ryugazaki and Nagisa Hazuki.  They seemed to be extremely close and explained that they were roommates who went to a college nearby. Makoto found it refreshing to have new faces around. Nagisa was kind of like Momo, but different. Mostly he was thankful that he only had one shift in which they were together, because although he liked things lively they were a little _too_ lively when those hooligans got together. He wasn’t ok with the headaches that ensued.

Now that it was summer he was able to spend the majority of his free time with Haru and Rin. Although Kisumi had been sad at first, Mikoshiba had pointed out that they would get to spend a lot of alone time together, which seemed to appease the purple-eyed friend.

Makoto had moved half his stuff into Rin and Haru’s extra bedroom. He had told them to let him know when they needed alone time. But they had been more than happy to have him stay.

*

It had become a kind of ritual for Haru, Rin, Makoto and Sousuke to go to The Grave on Friday’s. Sometimes Yamazaki had work and couldn’t come. And Makoto guessed that when Rin and Haru had to go away soon for their qualifying meet Sousuke and him would meet somewhere else instead. They hung out on their own sometimes during the week too. And during those times Makoto thought that he saw Sousuke watching him every so often, but whenever he’d look over Sousuke would be looking elsewhere. Maybe he was just paranoid? He wasn’t sure.

*

Friday found the four of them a couple beers in at The Grave.

“I’m going to get another beer. Does anyone else need one?” Makoto said as the familiar warm feeling and slight buzz ran through his body.

“Sure. I’ll come with you,” Sousuke said as he downed the last of his drink.

Haru made to get up, but Rin held his forearm and as Haru turned to see what he wanted Makoto and Sousuke dipped out. The bar was crowded, but Makoto managed to push to the front. He could feel Sousuke’s hand on his shoulder, he probably didn’t want to get separated.

Makoto turned around and handed him his beer. They slowly made their way back through the crowd and that’s when Makoto saw him.

His breath hitched and he stopped walking. He was vaguely aware that Sousuke was walking back towards their table while saying something over his shoulder. But Makoto wasn’t listening, he blinked, but no it was definitely Kaoru. And he was making his way over to Makoto. He gripped his beer tightly as he tried to breathe normally.

“Makoto-kun?” Makoto’s head snapped to the left where Sousuke had reappeared, apparently realizing that Makoto was no longer following him. His brow furrowed as he took in Makoto’s face. “What’s wrong?” he said as he came closer. Makoto just shook his head.

“Mako? Mako! I thought it was you.”

Makoto turned towards the voice and then Kaoru was hugging him. And it felt wrong wrong wrong. His muscles tensed up and he held his arms out awkwardly. Finally Kaoru let go looking completely unperturbed

“It's been awhile.”

Makoto nodded numbly. Why was Kaoru even here?

“So…” and now Kaoru seemed to be looking him up and down. Makoto felt naked all of a sudden.

“You look good, Mako,” he said, and there was a slight smirk hiding under his expression. Makoto opened his mouth, but before he could even think of what to say Kaoru turned away from him. “And who’s this?” he said turning towards Sousuke.

Makoto had completely forgotten that he was there. He turned wildly to face him.

“Yamazaki Sousuke,” Sousuke said politely.

“I’m Yamashita Kaoru. It’s nice to meet you.” Makoto had to get it together. He turned to Kaoru.

“I didn’t realize you’d be in town,” he said. And thank god he sounded normal.

“Yeah well, we just came to visit,” he said smiling quietly. Makoto followed his line of sight and saw a young man. The young man from the photos. He gulped before turning back to Kaoru who was giving him a quizzical look.

“You ok, Mako-chan?” Makoto couldn’t deal with this. Kaoru knew he wasn’t ok. He _knew_ that Makoto had only liked that nick name because it reminded him that he was special to Kaoru while they had been dating. He instinctively moved towards Sousuke. He felt Sousuke’s hand on his wrist slowly pulling him.

“We have to go,” Sousuke said curtly.

Makoto looked up barely believing that Sousuke had said anything at all. He didn’t look angry in fact he looked pleasant, kind even.

“Oh, ok yeah,” Kaoru said. “Well sorry to interrupt you and your uh…” he looked between the two before spotting where Sousuke’s hand was resting. “Oh. I see. Sorry Mako didn’t realize that you were on a date.” Makoto just stared uncomprehending while Yamazaki tugged him a little, but Kaoru kept talking like nothing had happened. “I have to say, he doesn’t really seem like your type.”

Makoto was all of a sudden so upset so angry. His brain had caught up and he was about to tell him to fuck off when Sousuke cut across him.

“Well I am,” Sousuke said. And now he looked so serious and angry and oh shit was Makoto glad that he was not on the receiving end of that stare. “Come on let’s get out of here.” Makoto was dragged back to the table. He didn’t hear what Yamazaki told Haru or Rin. He didn’t look at any of them. He felt the bile rising up in his throat. Rin was getting up from the table yelling something while Haru and Yamazaki held him back. Makoto needed to get out of here. It was hot, so hot. Makoto moved away from the booth shakily, and in the second that Yamazaki and Haru slackened their grips Rin bolted, Yamazaki ran after him. Makoto just stumbled out of the room. He went through the bar and got outside. He ran, and he could barely see. He didn’t stop until he reached the ocean. He hadn’t realized that he was crying until he smacked into a tree and just held on for dear life. He felt more than heard someone approach. When he looked up he saw Haru coming over, his arms coming around to hug Makoto.

*

The sun was coming up by the time they left the beach. He was so tired as he leaned up against Haru walking towards the boardwalk. Haru had texted Rin to tell him not to worry.

When they got on the train Makoto mumbled that he had to go to work, but Haru just told him that he’d already contacted Shigino to talk to Mikoshiba. He wasn’t in a position to protest so he just nodded along.  

They made their way to Haru’s apartment. When they got there Rin and Sousuke were covered in flour and had huge fluffy waffles ready for them.

Makoto just sat down lifelessly at the table. Rin put his arm over him protectively and just ran his hand across his back in soothing circles. The three of them talked quietly while Makoto just ate in silence. He was glad that no one was asking him questions. Rin and Haru had learned a while ago that this is how Makoto felt comfort: being with people, but not having to talk. He absentmindedly realized that Rin must have told Sousuke how to act, because he seemed to be doing exactly what Rin and Haru were.

When breakfast was done Haru ushered him to the guest bedroom where he passed out.

*

When Makoto woke up it was one in the afternoon on Saturday. He rolled over and burrowed a little. He thought back to the night before. It was all so confusing. Kaoru had been trying to get a rise out of him, he just knew it. He felt bad that Sousuke had been dragged into it. Shit, why did Kaoru have to go and find Makoto when he was with his other friends?

_I have to say, he doesn’t really seem like your type._

_Well I am._

Makoto bolted upright as he remembered, the blush creeping up his neck. He groaned as he buried his head back into the blanket. Crap. Yamazaki had had to lie for him, to act like he was his _boyfriend._ What if he didn’t like him anymore? No he was best friends with Rin, he wouldn’t care that Makoto was gay too. Makoto needed to go apologize.

He slowly pulled his ass out of bed looking down at his feet as he shuffled out of the room. Sousuke was sitting at the table. He looked up wide-eyed when Makoto came out.

“Hey,” he breathed as he stood up. He looked hesitant. Makoto wasn’t sure himself what he wanted Sousuke to do. “Um Rin and Haru are at practice.”

“Right,” Makoto said slowly. “Look, I’m really sorry about last night.” He waited but Sousuke didn’t say anything. “I guess you figured out that he- that that was my ex,” he said as he fidgeted.

“Yeah I figured,” Sousuke said and he sounded bitter.

“I’m sorry about what he said,” Makoto continued quietly.

“What?” Now Sousuke just looked at Makoto in confusion.

“About,” how should he say it. “When he said- when he insinuated that we were dating. It must have bothered you, because you’re not… You don’t.” Makoto gave a lame shrug.

“I’m not what exactly,” and now Yamazaki looked annoyed.

“Gay,” Makoto said as quietly as he could.

Sousuke made a noise like death, it was exasperated and annoyed and horribly horribly angry all at once.

Makoto backed away a little, but Sousuke just walked right up to him. He stared at Makoto and it was like he was trying to tell him something, but Makoto didn’t know what. His eyes were boring into him and he looked vulnerable and somehow broken and the stare felt like altogether way too much all of a sudden. He looked away. He didn’t know what Yaamzaki was trying to communicate through his gaze, how could he know?

Sousuke finally backed up a step and Makoto could hear a small laugh before Sousuke said “you shouldn’t be apologizing for what he said.” He looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “And what he said didn’t bother me.” Makoto watched him and realized that he seemed guarded almost like a mask was in place.

Makoto stayed silent and Sousuke just shrugged noncommittally.

“Makoto I…” Sousuke looked a little pained before his steely expression returned. He rummaged through his pants pocket and pulled out a picture from his wallet. He handed it over to Makoto silently.

Makoto looked down and his breath hitched. Sousuke was standing with his arm around a man with dark hair who had his lips pressed to Sousuke’s cheek. The photo was old and looked like it had been pulled out a lot, like Sousuke looked at it frequently.

Makoto wasn’t sure what to say. This was obviously Sousuke’s boyfriend.

He felt kind of sick but he wasn’t sure why. He handed the picture back and came to his senses. Sousuke was gay too; he didn’t mind that Makoto’s ex had appeared unannounced. “So you’re not angry?” He finally said.

“Not at all.”

“Oh, ok. That’s good then,” and although it was good he felt even more tense than before.

Sousuke let out a snort.

“You worry too much.” 

Makoto let out a strained chuckle. Sousuke was definitely right about that.

*

Makoto and Sousuke hung out for a little while before they both decided that they should get back home. Makoto texted Haru to let him know and they left for their respective trains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost sorry for posting this chapter... please forgive my soul for how it ends


	9. I Sleep to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto starts to think more seriously about his friendship with Yamazaki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “Sleep 2 Dream” by LexiconDon

Shigino was at home in front of a huge oil painting when Makoto stumbled in.

“Is that…”

Shigino turned to him smiling. “I started working on it a couple months ago.

Makoto walked over to the painting. It was him and Shigino looking off of a cliff edge into an exquisite sunrise. They had their arms on each other’s shoulders and were smiling out.

“I thought I’d do a series on friendship…” Shigino said as he examined the beginnings of the painting.

Makoto put his arm over Shigino’s shoulder and he felt Shigino’s arm come up too so that they were mirroring the picture.

“Haru said that you had a rough night.”

“Yeah, I think I was more startled than anything. And embarrassed.”

“I heard that that Yamazaki guy stopped Rin from punching Kaoru in the face.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Haru messaged me this morning he said that it might cheer you up to know,” Shigino said smirking.

Makoto chuckled. “I guess it’s good to have people looking out for you.”

“Hey, he didn’t say anything to you did he?” Shigino dropped his arms so that he could face Makoto.

“Just the usual jerk kind of stuff that I’ve realized he always said.” He paused. “I don’t know he just kind of talked about his boyfriend and checked me out and then told me that Sousuke wasn’t my type. I don’t even know what he was trying to do.”

Shigino was quiet. “He sounds like an ass.” Then his brow furrowed. “Hey can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What did he mean about Yamazaki?”

“Oh he thought we were on a date. He didn’t know that Rin and Haru were there until later.”

“Ah I see, well maybe next time you could punch him. I mean it sounds like Rin would’ve gotten in big trouble with his swimming, but we’re in college so you know ‘I fell down on my hand’ is totally a usable excuse,” he winked.

“I hope that I never have to see him again, it was too much,” and he felt tired again.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

*

Makoto went into work on Sunday. He had this shift with the newbies who Mikoshiba had pawned off on him for what he called ‘guidance training.’ Basically Makoto was a glorified babysitter. But well they were fun to spend time with.

Nagisa was quickly writing over any intimate associations that Makoto had with the name ‘Mako-chan.’ And of course as soon as Nagisa started calling him that Momo had insisted that he too be allowed to use the name. Rei had awkwardly tried it once, after which Makoto had told him that really Tachibana Senpai was fine and Rei had almost passed out from relief.

“Mako-chan! Your designs are always so cute!” Nagisa cooed as he hovered over the drink that Makoto was demonstrating his foam artwork on.

“Makoto Senpai, always creates such beauty. I too strive to make beauty in all things,” Rei said as he crowded in on Makoto’s other side.

Makoto chuckled before handing the drink to their customer. Soon after, Momo arrived to take over for Makoto. Mikoshiba had also come in and was now sitting with Shigino at one of the tables.

“Makoto what do you think of this?” Shigino said as Makoto hung his apron up.

Makoto looked at the sketch and gave his very uneducated two cents, mostly he just thought that all of Shigino’s work was beautiful.

Shigino thanked him for the compliments before putting the sketches down. “What are you doing tonight? You want to cook dinner together?”

“Sure I don’t have anything planned,” Makoto said as he took a sip of Shigino’s coffee sans request.

“Hmm not going to see Yamazaki?” Mikoshiba asked as his eyes twinkled.

“Ah no I’m not hanging out with him,” Makoto said looking a little confused at the question.

“Well you have my blessing for whenever you do,” Mikoshiba said as he leaned back.

“Huh?” Shigino said looking at Mikoshiba. “What does he mean Makoto?”

Makoto didn’t like that Shigino looked so excited. “I don’t know we’re just friends?” Makoto said as he squinted at Mikoshiba.

“What? You guys are at least going on dates though yeah?” Mikoshiba said now looking a little unsure.

“What? No or course not.” Where the heck did he get that from?

Mikoshiba looked startled then, he frowned. “But you guys have such good… I don’t know you seem to flow. Maybe you should ask him out.”

Makoto tried to imagine asking Sousuke out. It seemed odd, and also- “Wait what are you saying, Sousuke has a boyfriend.”

“Oh, well I guess I was wrong then,” Mikoshiba said shrugging. But Makoto saw how he was looking off to the side so as not to meet Makoto’s gaze. Shigino, the champ that he was, asked the question that Makoto couldn’t.

“Wrong about what?”

“Nah it’s nothing, I just- the other night when you guys were in here together I thought that- you know.” They shook their heads. “Just that you looked good together. Comfortable.”

Makoto thought about it. He did in fact feel comfortable with Sousuke, but that was no reason to date someone. He shook his head to clear it; it didn’t matter either way. Sousuke already had someone.

*

_From: Haru-chan_

_Rin and I are leaving on Wednesday for qualifiers_

_Housesit? We’ll be gone for 2 wks_

_To: Haru-chan_

_Sure. I’ll stop by Tuesday before my shift?_

_From: Haru-chan_

_Yeah_

Makoto snorted. If it had been anyone else he would’ve worried that they’d replied with such a short answer. But well that was Haru for you.

 

_From: Matsuoka Rin_

_Hey, we’re going to be gone over Haru’s birthday. I was thinking of doing something when we got back. Partaaay???_

_To: Matsuoka Rin_

_Definitely! I’ll plan while you’re gone!!_

 

Makoto turned to Shigino. “Ok so how do I cook this?”

“Makoto… they’re just noodles.”

So what was supposed to be ‘cooking together’ turned into Makoto learning how to cook.

*

Tuesday found Makoto sitting on Rin and Haru’s bed while they ran around packing. They moved so well through the room together, always knowing where the other one was going.

“Make sure to text me as soon as you finish on Saturday,” Makoto said earnestly. “I’m sure that you’ll both place, you’ve been working so hard.”

Rin looked a little smug at the praise and even Haru looked touched. They ended up playing videogames and Haru told Makoto that if he got bored Haru had put out a stack of choice books on his bedside table; he called them ‘light reading material,’ but when Makoto snuck into the room to see he saw several large tomes as well as some self-help books about religion and philosophy. He smiled to himself as he thought about Haru carefully picking them out for him. Maybe he would read a few after all.

Finally it was time for him to go to work. He wished them luck and slipped out.

At the end of his shift he checked his phone and saw two text messages from Sousuke. The first asked if he was still up for going out on Friday even though Haru and Rin would be gone, and the second suggested a pub that he wanted to try.

*

Makoto met Sousuke at the pub. He was acutely aware that it was the first time that they had seen each other since “the incident,” but Yamazaki seemed to be acting totally normal. Makoto had been worried that somehow things would be different now, but soon he was relaxing and acting how he always did. They talked about all of the things that they usually talked about, and they ate and drank and generally it was a good time. Had Makoto been any more dense than he already was he might have missed the covert glances that Yamazaki sometimes shot him, glances that seemed to be asking whether he was ok after the run-in last Friday. But Makoto was ok. He was angry about what had happened, but through therapy he had learned that Kaoru was manipulative. And when he had seen him the other night he didn’t feel any attraction towards him, he just felt numb and confused. And well that isn’t the kind of person that he should pine after. He actually felt kind of good now, knowing that he wasn’t interested in Kaoru anymore. He tried to smile a lot and show Yamazaki that really he was ok, because he definitely didn’t want to have to talk about it.

It seemed that Yamazaki got the message, he stopped looking concerned by the end of the evening and even offered to walk Makoto back to Rin and Haru’s, because apparently he did that for Rin all of the time. Makoto could definitely see that. He supposed that now he and Yamazaki were not just friends, but really good friends. When they said goodnight Makoto went in for the hug. They didn’t usually hug, but it seemed like they had reached that point.

He padded forward and smiled up at Sousuke as he reached his arms around his back to rest beneath his shoulder blades. He could hear Sousuke’s breath hitch a little before he wrapped his arms around Makoto too. Makoto rested his chin on Sousuke’s shoulder lightly. He gave a small squeeze and then slowly pulled back, saying that he was excited to hang out next weekend. And that was all it was, nice simple, good clean friendship. He felt refreshed as he headed up the stairs to the apartment.

Makoto wasn’t sure why he couldn’t fall asleep that night, but he couldn’t. His brain just kept whirring. Thinking about who Yamazaki’s boyfriend was and how they might have met. Maybe Makoto could ask him at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapters are going to be a little difficult as we watch Makoto trying to figure out what's going on. Comments are always welcome :) I hope that you like all of the angst.


	10. I Can See the Waters in Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has two extremely rough days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “Lean” by The National

It was their second Friday without Rin and Haru. They hadn’t met up during the week and they hadn’t really texted either, but Thursday night Yamazaki sent him a time and an address. Makoto was supposed to meet up with Sousuke at a bar in Ginza near Akashi Corp.. As he walked into the hotel lobby that Sousuke had indicated he realized two things: 1) he was extremely underdressed – people probably considered him a ruffian, and 2) Sousuke looked really really… uh not underdressed. Makoto ignored that weird train of thought in favor of saying hello and following Sousuke to a table that he had found.

“Are we celebrating something?” Makoto asked as he looked around.

“Don’t look so nervous,” Sousuke said as he smiled widely.

“Actually I uh-” he fidgeted looking a little shy. “I just found out that I’ve been promoted.”

“That’s amazing! Wow, yeah definitely a reason to celebrate. Congratulations Sousuke,” and Makoto smiled back at him. Sousuke looked at him a little startled before his grin turned into a small smile.

“Thanks Makoto.” And he said it so soft that Makoto was somewhat taken aback. It felt quiet and it felt like it was theirs.

Their waiter came. Sousuke ordered appetizers and drinks and told Makoto that he’d be paying, because after all he was the one with the salary increase.

Makoto had fought back and eventually Sousuke permitted him to pay for one of his drinks to honor the occasion.

“So do you come to this bar often?” Makoto asked.

“What? No, who can afford this anyway.” Makoto stopped mid-bite. “I just told myself that I’d go out here if I got a promotion. I’ve heard the higher-ups mention it so I just thought… you know.”

Makoto nodded along to show that he understood.

“You tell Rin?”

“Yeah, I called him earlier. He was bummed that he couldn’t come I think,” Yamazaki said as he poured them more sake. “But well he’s got to focus,” and Yamazaki gave a fond look into his cup.

Makoto could tell that Sousuke was remembering something so he let him have his moment. Then he realized that he should probably ask about someone else too…

“And is your boyfriend celebrating in honor of you too?” Somehow he felt weird asking, but that was what you’d normally ask right? You’d ask about their best friend and their boyfriend. He supposed he should ask about his family, but then again Yamazaki might not have a good relationship with them so that might not be such a good idea. Makoto tuned back in. Sousuke had coughed a little into his sake.

“Oh, yeah he’s… he’s really happy for me too,” he said.

“Where does he live?” Makoto thought it was ok to ask, because well if the guy had lived nearby then he’d be here instead of Makoto, so it must be long distance.

“He lives pretty far away,” Sousuke took a big gulp of sake. “But it’s not a problem.” He smiled reassuringly, but it seemed… off. Makoto all of a sudden kind of wished that they weren’t talking about this nameless boyfriend. Yeah what was his name? It was kind of-

“You okay Makoto?”

“What? Oh sorry just thinking,” he said quickly before inhaling more food. For the rest of the night they talked about Sousuke’s new job: what the position was, if he’d want to move to a bigger apartment, was he nervous, etc. Overall Makoto had a really good time. They said goodnight and Makoto headed back to Rin and Haru’s where he was housesitting.

He lay down on the couch and thought about the night. He had been happy to spend time with Sousuke, so why was it that he felt so very unsettled? Makoto sat there for about an hour going over things. As he was staring at his messages from Yamazaki it hit him. He bolted upright and stared at the wall. He liked Sousuke.

He liked _Sousuke_.

There was no other reason why he’d be thinking so much about this. Wait but he thought about Haru a lot and Rin and Shigino. A small voice in his head reminded him that yes this was true, but he only ever sat around thinking about them if he was in a fight or if one of them was upset about something and he wanted to help. He and Sousuke weren’t fighting and Sousuke definitely wasn’t upset. Sousuke had been a good friend. He understood Makoto, and as Mikoshiba said he was comfortable with him. And it seemed like the same could be said for Sousuke when he was with Makoto. And Sousuke had also defended Makoto when they met Kaoru. But that had just been him being a good friend… Yeah Makoto definitely liked Sousuke, but Sousuke was with someone else. Someone who he had a picture of in his wallet.

Makoto got up and got ready for bed. He looked at his face in the mirror feeling surprisingly calm. It hurt, but he was glad to have figured it out. He was past his feelings for Kaoru, and he was able to like someone. He should be proud of himself for that and yet…. He smiled at himself in the mirror before letting out a sigh. He was ok with this. He should just support Sousuke as a friend.

*

Saturday found Makoto at work with Mikoshiba and Momo. It had become a regular occurrence for Asako-san and her lady friends to eat brunch at the establishment on Saturday’s. Makoto hadn’t slept well and he found himself in a strange state that could only be described as “calmly numb.” But even so he’d noticed the way that Asako-san and Momo looked at each other, usually he’d find it endearing, but the idea of seeing their fond looks today just made him feel nauseous. Either way he finally did ask Momo if he was dating Asako-san while they were stocking shelves in the back.

“Yeah we are,” he said excitedly.

“Good luck,” Makoto said as happily as he could, because even past his own unhappiness he knew that Momo deserved to be happy. “She seems to be quite the woman.”

Momo nodded along happily, before he turned serious. “You know I was pretty crushed when I found out that Gou was dating Mizukawa, but after I met him I kind of realized that I didn’t really know Gou. I just liked the idea of her, maybe. Anyways Gou’s really great, but with Asako-san I have a connection. A relationship is about who you get on with you know?”

Makoto rarely ever heard Momo talk like this. Apart from being extremely disconcerting Makoto thought that it spoke volumes about Momo’s connection with Asako-san. _Someone that you get on with._ Yeah someone real. Kaoru had been like a dream sickly sweet and yet at some point you always knew that you’d have to wake up.

Momo was giving him a quizzical look, his hand on the door waiting for Makoto.

“I was just thinking… well when I was with Kaoru I had the kind of first love that everyone dreams of having: it was exhilarating, a rush, the way I felt about him… well I’d never felt like that before, and yet… I knew that I had to wake up. Next time around I don’t want to be asleep. I want it to be real.” He looked up at Momo to see if he thought that Makoto had gone completely crazy.

“That sounds about right,” Momo said grinning widely.

When they went out the table was gushing over a startled Shigino who had unknowingly entered the lions den.

When he saw Makoto he quickly stood up and went over to him.

“Hey, Makoto,” he said wide-eyed.

“I see you’ve met the fan club,” Makoto said as he smiled grimly.

“Yeah, well I came in, and Mikoshiba,” Shigino looked over carefully to where Mikoshiba was back at the table pouring coffee and laughing loudly at Shigino. Shigino lowered his voice, “well he just pulled me into a hug and declared to that group of women that I was his lover.” Oh wow. No wonder Shigino was bright red. “I don’t know who they are, but they got so excited.” He was clutching his sketchbook like a life-line. “It sounds like,” and now he was talking so fast and quiet that Makoto had to lean in close to hear, “like Mikoshiba’s been telling them all about me. My art, my job, and and how I’m ‘ _such a beauty_.’” Well Shigino looked like he would die of embarrassment.

“Well he wanted them to know that he was definitely off the market,” Makoto said as he clapped Shigino on the shoulder.

“Well yeah but,” all of a sudden he tensed. Makoto looked over at the table at which everyone was staring at Shigino and trying not to laugh. Shigino slowly turned to look too. Mikoshiba was smirking like a god and he and Shigino just locked eyes. Makoto could feel the tension. Oh lord poor Shigino, like a baby animal caught by a pack of wolves.

Eventually the tension was cut when Momo leapt up and told Asako-san that she shouldn’t be thinking about anyone but him. Although extremely overdramatic it did distract from the situation. And well everything went back to normal.

Makoto wouldn’t have put Mikoshiba and Shigino together, but well it seemed that they worked well together. For the first time that day he felt a tiny spark of happiness. _Maybe I’ll end up with a relationship like that,_ he thought. 

*

Rin and Haru both made the initial cut for the national team. And in honor of that and Haru’s birthday Makoto and Sousuke took them out to an all you can eat mackerel establishment that Makoto had investigated earlier. Haru was practically crying with joy as he eyed all of the mackerel and Rin was so excited about making the cut that he didn’t even care where they went to eat.

And well Makoto was just glad to get to be with Rin and Haru during the first time that he saw Sousuke after his realization.

They were all squashed in a booth and Makoto tried to act as normal as possible. Mostly this consisted of being very interested in hearing about Haru and Rin’s trip. He could feel Sousuke’s eyes on him every once in a while, but he ignored it. Maybe if he was happy enough Sousuke would just drop whatever he was thinking was wrong with Makoto. He wasn’t sure if it worked. But he didn’t think that Rin or Haru noticed so that was good.

He tried to relax. _He’s just a friend, a friend, a friend, a-_

“Makoto!” he jolted out of his thoughts.

“Yes?” he said turning to Rin. Rin gave him a questioning look but he just shook his head.

“I was just asking if you were going to stay over tonight.”

“Oh yeah,” Makoto said quickly.

They paid and walked to the train, Sousuke walking with them to Rin and Haru’s. They were all about to head up to watch a movie when Makoto felt a tug at his elbow. Makoto turned around and found himself staring into Yamazaki’s eyes. He looked concerned and unhappy.

“Hey can I talk to you for a minute?”

Makoto nodded weakly.

“We’ll be up in a minute,” Sousuke called over Makoto’s shoulder, still holding onto his arm.

Makoto heard voices and then a door close somewhere far faraway. He was stuck in Sousuke’s eyes afraid that if he breathed too loudly Sousuke would know that Makoto liked him.

Finally Sousuke looked down and Makoto felt something churn in his stomach.

“Makoto I… well if there’s anything that I can do.”

Makoto didn’t really understand what Sousuke was talking about. He tried to think… but there was nothing.

“What do you mean?” he finally breathed out and he saw Sousuke shiver a little, his eyelids fluttering before he shook his head.

“Just I know it’s rough for you and if there’s anything that I can do.”

Oh my God. Did Sousuke know? Did he _know_ that Makoto liked him? Shit shit shit. Sousuke was still talking but Makoto had no idea what he was saying. Makoto stumbled back and ran a hand through his hair shakily. He didn’t want to talk about this. Sousuke wasn’t supposed to know. How could he when Makoto had just figured it out himself?

He looked up and Sousuke had his arm half stretched towards Makoto. Makoto flinched back. And Sousuke looked hurt, fuck. Makoto needed to squash this and go.

He let out a laugh and it was all kinds of wrong.

“Yamazaki it’s ok. You don’t have to do anything,” he felt desperate. He just wanted Sousuke to treat him normally; he just wanted to stay friends. He didn’t want Sousuke to feel guilty somehow. “It’s fine, let’s just pretend that you don’t know. I’ll be- I’ll be better about hiding it. Please just.” He was stuttering and he could feel his already red cheeks getting redder, he felt like he might cry at any minute. Maybe Sousuke didn’t even want to be friends now. “Or if you want we don’t have to hangout anymore. I’m sorry. I need I need to-” he bolted for the door pulling out his spare key and getting in as quickly as possible.

He raced up the stairs. When he entered Rin and Haru were debating about something. He stared at them and felt like with one look they could tell what had happened. He felt ashamed. He went straight to the guest room and locked the door sliding down onto the floor with his head in his hands. He was shaking.


	11. Don’t Need to be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto cries... for like the entire chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from “Real Love” by Tom Odell

Sousuke stood there shocked as Makoto fumbled with his keys for a good five minutes before jetting up the stairs. He didn’t even slam the door shut properly. What the hell had just happened? Sousuke knew that Makoto had been off today. He’d assumed that that prick Kaoru had had something to do with it. He wasn’t really sure why this made Makoto avoid him today, but well maybe seeing him made Makoto remember that night with his ex or something. Anyway Sousuke had only offered to be there for Makoto like any good friend would. That’s really all he ever wanted. Just to be there for him. Seeing Makoto upset was like seeing a hurt puppy; it was the worst.

But what Sousuke didn’t understand was all of the stuff that Makoto had just said. Did Makoto think that Sousuke found it annoying that Makoto wasn’t over his ex? I mean hell it sounded like Makoto had been totally screwed over, it was totally acceptable to still be upset no matter how long it had been. And if that guy was still messing with his head then…

Sousuke needed to let Makoto know that he still wanted to be friends. That Makoto shouldn’t worry about that ever. That Sousuke wouldn’t leave him.

He went through the still-open door and started walking up the stairs. Just as he was about to knock the door flew open and Rin almost crashed into him. He could see Haru slipping into the back guest room just over Rin’s shoulder. He turned back to a wide eyed Rin.

 

_Ten minutes prior…_

“We’ll be up in a minute,” Sousuke said.

Rin turned and tried to hide his smirk. “Sure thing,” he said as he opened the door to the building, Haru trailing behind him with his brow furrowed.

Rin hadn’t realized that he was humming until Haru gave him a look. “What?”

“You seem happy,” Haru said matter-of-factly.

“Well… I think,” he pulled Haru to the table, “I think I know what’s happening.”

“Oh?”

“Ok so Sousuke and Makoto have been spending a lot of time together, and then Sousuke took Makoto out to a fancy bar when he got promoted,” Rin continued looking at Haru. Haru looked unimpressed, Rin groaned and continued a little frantically.

“Sousuke told me that he was going to take Makoto when he called to tell me about his promotion. I think that he might’ve told Makoto how he feels. And maybe,” he looked off dreamily, “maybe they’re dating now. And that would explain why Makoto was all nervous.”

Haru looked bored.

“Makoto’s nervous because they haven’t told us yet! And he didn’t want to be all affectionate in front of us.” Rin bent down conspiratorially. “It’d raise our suspicions.”

“You’re wrong.”

“What? I’m not!” Rin said exasperatedly. “Is this just because you don’t like Sosuke? Please Haru he’s a good guy, he’d never hurt Makoto. Come on.” And even Haru had trouble looking away from the puppy eyes, or so Rin hoped.

“That’s not the issue, the issue is that if Makoto were hiding something from me he’d have been making the same face that you’re making right now all through dinner. He’d be silently _pleading_ for understanding. And that’s not the nervous energy that I picked up on.”

Rin knew better than to question Haru’s ability to correctly interpret silent communication from Makoto. “So could he have been nervous because he likes Sousuke and he knows that Sousuke likes him?”

“Does he?”

“What?”

“Does Makoto like Sousuke? Does Sousuke like Makoto?”

“Well but obviously!” Rin said angrily. “You can tell because-”

The door flew open and Makoto stood there still as a deer in headlights before he crashed into the guestroom looking terrified and hurt.

“I’ll kill him,” Haru muttered as he stood up.

“Haru we need to fix this,” Rin said as he stood up too, looking scared.

Haru sighed and pulled him into a hug, “I know that you care about Sousuke, but if he hurt him…”

“He wouldn’t. I’ll go talk to him and figure out what happened.”

“Ok, I’ll go talk to Makoto.” Haru kissed Rin’s forehead and Rin bolted for the door to catch Sousuke.

 

_Present_

 

Makoto tried not to cry, but he couldn’t help it. Sousuke knew that he liked him now, and he was so nice that he was offering to help Makoto even though Makoto was inconveniencing him. He just wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

He heard a tap on the door. He ignored it.

“Mako, it’s Haru.”

Well no matter how shitty he felt he could never say no to Haru. He slowly stood up and unlocked the door. He opened it a sliver. Haru stepped forward and into the room, closing the door quickly and quietly behind him. Makoto sunk back down to the floor. Haru followed, he rested his hand on Makoto’s back and looked at him: _whenever you’re ready._ Makoto nodded and tried to breathe.

Once he got his breathing under control Makoto looked up at Haru. Tear tracks marking his face. He gulped.

“I… I think… that Sousuke knows that I like him.” He had forgotten temporarily that Haru hated Sousuke and all of a sudden he tried to make himself into more of a ball, afraid that Haru would be angry. Haru just blinked like this was old news. When he didn’t say anything Makoto continued. “He… he told me that if there was anything that he could do, but… well it’s even worse when someone rejects you but feels bad about it. He,” Makoto took another shuddering breath, “he’s too nice, but I didn’t want him to know. I just wanted to stay as a friend, but now I don’t even know if-” he was crying again and Haru was making reassuring cooing noises as he rubbed his back. After a few minutes he looked back up at Haru.

“Mako,” Haru said carefully. “How do you know that Yamazaki doesn’t like you too?”

Makoto laughed in shock.

“He has a boyfriend.”

Haru slowly nodded as if he were putting things into place.

“I think you need to talk with him, and tell him how you feel.” Makoto felt like he was breaking all over again, Haru would never want him to be in pain, so why would he suggest that?

“Haru?”

“I might be wrong, but I think that you’ll feel better afterwards, even if it’s just because you got to be honest,” he said slowly as if reasoning with himself. “Trust me.”

And Makoto did, even if his heart was telling him to just run, run, run.

Haru helped him stand up. “You ready?”

Makoto took a couple of minutes to compose himself and then he nodded.

Haru opened the door. They made their way to the living room, where Rin and Yamazaki were full on yelling at each other. Makoto had barely registered what the loud noises had been in the background of his and Haru’s talk, but now he realized that it had been Rin and Sousuke.

“The fuck would you do that f-?” Rin was saying before he noticed that Yamazaki’s eyes had gone wide. Rin spun around to see what had caused Yamazaki’s shock.

The four of them now stood in silence. Makoto stared at the floor while he clutched onto Haru’s hand and after what felt like ages Haru spoke up.

“Makoto and Yamazaki need to talk.”

“Haru! We can’t just-” Rin spluttered.

“We are going to ask the questions,” Haru continued unperturbed. “And you two, are going to be honest and forthcoming,” he said. “Or we’re not going to talk to you anymore.”

“Haru,” Makoto said looking up crestfallen. He knew that Haru would never seriously abandon him, but he understood that Haru was making a point. He followed Haru’s gaze to Rin, who looked uneasy. Rin turned to Sousuke before muttering a quiet ‘ok.’

They all sat down. Haru and Makoto on the couch and Rin and Sousuke in the seats opposite them which they had pulled up in front of the tv. Makoto was acutely aware that Sousuke was directly facing him.

“Ok question one, for the sake of Rin’s overactive imagination: are you two secretly dating?”

“What?” Yamazaki said. Makoto couldn’t help but look up to see the annoyed look on Sousuke’s face. “No,” he gritted out before giving Rin an incredulous look. Rin just put his hands up in surrender. Haru turned to Makoto.

“Um, no,” he said quietly. And although he knew that Sousuke was looking at him now he just looked down at the carpet.

Haru sighed. “Yamazaki, are you dating anyone?” Makoto couldn’t help himself, he tensed as he looked up at Yamazaki, who was now looking away. And he looked… guilty.

“No,” he said. Silence and then finally Makoto’s brain stopped going a mile a minute and he just had to ask.

“But you said that you were. You showed me a photo,” he said quietly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

Sousuke turned to him and he looked weak, like he was upset by this too. “I didn’t actually say that he was my boyfriend,” and now Sousuke just looked uncomfortable. “Could you guys give us a minute,” Sousuke said and Rin made to get up before Haru cut in.

“No, you missed your chance, now I’m staying to make sure that you don’t do it again,” he said.

Yamazaki looked angry and then all at once the fight seemed to go out of him and he ran a hand through his hair shakily.

“Look Makoto, I… that photo. Well it’s of my ex. He moved to America in my second year of high school, so we decided to break up. For the past few years I’ve uh kept that photo so that I could… use it to deter unwanted attention,” he said sheepishly. Makoto just stared at him. So Yamazaki wasn’t dating anyone. Why did he just feel worse? He turned over what Sousuke had said before he realized why he was upset. _I used that photo to deter unwanted attention_. Meaning when he didn’t like someone, but that someone liked him. Someone being Makoto in this instance. Makoto looked at Rin who was gaping at Sousuke like he was an idiot. Makoto could feel himself shaking the blush creeping up his face, as he tried not to think about the fact that Sousuke had lied to him so as to avoid dealing with Makoto liking him. Makoto squeezed Haru’s hand even tighter. He looked away from Sousuke, but not before he saw the expression of confusion on his face. Makoto would not leave before this was over, he needed to be honest. It didn’t seem possible that the Sousuke who would hurt him like this was the same Sousuke that he had started to like, but if that was truly how he felt than Makoto should just be honest… and he should say it clearly. He wasn’t going to avoid this, he wanted to make sure that he had understood exactly what Sousuke had meant.

“I…” he held the tears back. “You knew that I liked you. Well that I like you. But you didn’t want to have to confront me about it or hear me… or hear me confess at some point.” He’d said the part that hurt the most. “You wanted to let me know that you could never think of me in that way.”And all he thought was _don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry_ repeating through his head. But even through that internal chant he heard the sharp intake of air from Sousuke.

“What? No Makoto. Shit that’s not what I meant.” Makoto looked up incredulously and no he couldn’t stop the tears no matter how stupid he must look. The tears must have been obscuring his vision because Yamazaki looked just as upset as him, except he wasn’t crying and now it took all of Makoto’s might to follow what he was saying, because he was talking so fast.

“I mean yes usually, _usually_ I don’t want people to hit on me so that’s why I use the photo. But that’s not what I was trying to do with you. We had just run into your ex. I was afraid that you had already begun to suspect that I liked you, and then if I came out to you, you might think that I wanted to date you, especially after what happened in the club.” What happened in the club? Oh yes where Sousuke told Kaoru that he was in fact Makoto’s type. “And I knew that you were suffering from a hard breakup. I thought that it would be hard for you if you knew that your friend liked you. I didn’t want to confuse you. Or to have you draw away because you didn’t know how to tell me that you weren’t interested in a relationship with anyone.” And somehow Sousuke had managed to get around the coffee table. He was crouching in front of Makoto and looking so earnest and vulnerable. “I thought that tonight you had had another issue with your ex. It hurt seeing you so unhappy at dinner, I just wanted you to know that I was here for you as a friend. Please Makoto I do like you but, I don’t want that to mean that I can’t stay by your side as your friend. I won’t ask you out I promise. Just I want to support you.”

Makoto cried even harder. He could see Sousuke looking panicked as he looked at first Rin then at Haru. Makoto could hear him asking Rin, “What the hell should I do he’s _crying_.”

Sousuke liked him. Sousuke wanted to be friends. Makoto started laughing, but then he remembered that Sousuke had also just said that he wouldn’t ask Makoto out. A box of tissues was shoved at him from Rin. He tried to breathe, to calm down. He didn’t know how long it took, but finally he stopped crying. Dirty tissues were piled on the side table along with the now empty tissue box.

“Makoto,” and Makoto was surprised that it was Rin who was addressing him. He looked up and nodded for him to keep going. “Sousuke said that he thinks that you don’t want to date anyone right now because you’re not over Kaoru.” He gave Sousuke a quick look and Sousuke nodded. “But that’s not true right?”

Makoto gulped and shook his head vigorously. “I don’t like Kaoru. I haven’t for awhile.” He breathed and tried to think of how to say it. “I guess I was startled when I ran into him, but I realized afterwards that I really am over him. I barely think about him now.”

Yamazaki let out a sigh and he slumped forward so that his head was on Makoto’s knees.

“So…” Rin said hesitantly. “So you don’t want Sousuke to promise not to ask you out right?” Both Yamazaki and Makoto turned towards Rin who quickly continued. “Because you both like each other and as we’ve just figured out Sousuke is single and Makoto isn’t actually hung up on his ex. Oh and also you both thought that you would be rejected and thus were trying to hide that you liked each so that you could stay as friends.”

Haru coughed something that sounded stangely like _dumbasses._

It all sounded really simple when Rin put it like that. Something was nagging at Makoto.

“Wait so downstairs you didn’t know that I liked you?” Makoto said to Sousuke.

“Oh. Well no I just thought that you were still upset about your ex. I thought that maybe something else happened and that that’s why you were all weird at dinner.”

“Oh. No nothing happened. I was weird because I had just realized that I liked you and I didn’t want you to find out, well and then outside I thought that you had figured it out. That you didn’t want to be friends anymore,” he said quietly. He felt Sousuke touch his hand tentatively. And when he looked up it was to the most spectacular pair of teal eyes that he had ever seen.

“I would never stop being friends with someone because of something like that.”

Makoto gave a small smile.

“Ok,” he said quietly. He felt like an enormous weight had been lifted, one that he hadn’t even realized had taken up residence in his chest.

“I um,” Sousuke looked a little unsure before Makoto saw the resolve set in his eyes. “Would you want to… to go out with me?”

Makoto blinked. This was really happening. He was so exhausted, but this was it. Wait he wanted to be sure. “Like… as your boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Sousuke said and now he was smirking slightly.

“Ok,” Makoto said quickly nodding. “Yes I want to go out with you.”

“Ok,” Sousuke said happyily. “But we gotta communicate better.”

“Definitely,” Makoto said. And he leaned down to cup Sosuke’s cheek. He felt as Sousuke leaned into the touch, heard the contented hum as his eyelids fluttered shut. And Makoto carefully, ever so carefully, pressed his lips to Sousukes. It was soft and quick, barely a brush before he was pulling back. But then he felt Sousuke’s hand in his hair pulling him forward again. It was more than a press of the lips, it was wonderful and Sousuke tasted like the woods, and a perfect sunset and… and- Makoto felt Yamazaki’s lips stutter as he pulled back and yelped.

Makoto’s brain was a little a foggy, but not foggy enough to not figure out what had happened. Haru was standing with a game controller near Sousuke while Sousuke nursed a spot on the back of his head.

“So sorry, didn't see you there.”

Yamazaki was now glaring at Haru and grumbling. Makoto could feel his cheeks heating up. He had totally forgotten that Rin and Haru were in the room still.

He looked over to where Rin was hovering nervously behind Haru. Makoto tried to convey how sorry he was before remembering that he didn’t share telepathy with Rin even though he seemed to be an extension of Haru. Haru and Sousuke were still glaring at each other.

“Hey, I don’t like that my best friend and my boyfriend don’t like each other,” Makoto said smiling. Haru and Sousuke both turned to him looking appalled.

“Amen, now you know what it’s like,” Rin said as he put his arm around Makoto. “Now maybe you two should have a talk of your own to hash things out,” Rin said with glee as he eyed Haru and Sousuke.

Sousuke scrambled to his feet. “Sorry but I’ve got a hot date,” he said as he pulled Makoto’s hand into his and walked towards the door. Makoto was too busy staring at their hands to notice Haru and Rin who were looking equal parts amused and annoyed. Makoto stumbled out the door behind Sousuke. He couldn’t help but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it all makes sense. If there's anything that I need to fix let me know :)


	12. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto hangs out with Mikoshiba and Shigino for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little dull - I was having some difficulty segueing into the second half of this fic. But the next chapter will be better I promise :)

Makoto woke up to the light streaming into his room. He had texted Rin and Haru to tell them that he wouldn’t be coming back that night. Rin had sent him a _get it_ while Haru had told him _be safe_. He could practically hear them arguing about his and Sousuke’s relationship through the stratus. In truth Sousuke wasn’t with him when he woke up. Makoto stretched and tried to remember every detail from the night before as he burrowed further into his blankets. His alarm hadn’t gone off for work yet so he figured he had a little time to just dream awake.

 

_The night before…_

 

He stared at their hands while Sousuke walked ahead of him down the stairs. The night had cooled down considerably since they had been out earlier. How long had they been upstairs? He looked around at where they had had their “fight.” And he felt so so tired all of a sudden.

He looked up to find Sousuke looking at him, contemplating something.

“I didn’t like fighting,” Makoto finally said.

Sousuke smiled sofly. “No, I didn’t either.” Makoto felt his shoulders relax, he walked up to Sousuke and looped his arms around his back aligning their chests so that he could feel Sousuke breath as he squeezed lightly. He closed his eyes and smiled as he felt Sousuke mold around him their chins resting on each others shoulders. _You’re comfortable around him._ Yes Mikoshiba had been right. And so had Momo: this was real. This wasn’t a dream and Sousuke was just a normal person like Makoto – not some creature of fantasy that Makoto had made out to be more than he was. And Makoto wanted to remember every conversation, every small smile, every moment that he’d felt that maybe there was something more. He squeezed Sousuke harder. When they finally parted Sousuke’s forehead rested against Makoto’s and his hand dropped back to Makoto’s hand.

“You okay with this?” he said seriously.

“Okay with what?” Makoto said. He kept his eyes closed and just reveled in being with Sousuke. Being allowed to be with Sousuke.

“With us, you really want to be with me?”

Makoto opened his eyes and pulled his head back a couple inches so that he could nod in affirmation. And then Sousuke was smiling wide and happy.

The rest of the night was a blur. They walked through the streets instead of taking the train. And actually it was surprisingly similar to many of their other hangouts. They talked about all of the same things, they laughed, they asked questions just as they had before. But there was a difference now, Makoto didn’t know how to describe it other than a deep seated feeling. He felt lighter and well they both just seemed ‘more free;’ they were freer with what they said, with how they smiled, how they laughed how they looked at each other. And Makoto realized that he hadn’t been the only one who had felt like he wasn’t wanted as anything other than a friend.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Makoto said. Sousuke’s smile faltered.

“Me too,” he said. “I guess we both liked each other and were worried that the other one would find out.” He looked up with his brows furrowed. “Kind of stupid actually.”

Makoto chuckled. “Yeah I suppose.” He checked his watch, it was after one in the morning.

“Do you need to get going?” Makoto wanted to say no, but he knew that he should. Afterall work didn’t stop for no romance.

Makoto said as much and Sousuke laughed as he offered to take Makoto home. Makoto had hesitantly invited him to stay over.

“I could…” Sousuke said thoughtfully. It was a Sunday so Sousuke also had work. And well Makoto actually kind of wanted some time to wrap his head around this, it had all happened so fast. Well it had actually been kind of slow in a way. “Makoto,” Makoto snapped to focus. Sousuke was smiling at him. “Hey I would love to come up with you, but I think that maybe we both need a little space to just decompress.” Makoto sighed and relaxed. “Hey hey hey you don’t need to be so relieved,” Sousuke said.

Makoto looked up quickly, but Yamazaki was smiling. “Don’t tease me,” Makoto whined. “But yeah I, um I really want to take things slow.” And although it was bad form to mention exes before the fifth date Makoto thought that given their history he needed to address something. “In the past everything was fast and I just… I really don’t want to rush anything.” Sousuke was nodding solemnly.

“I get it,” he said quietly. “Slow and steady sounds just right for us.” He kissed Makoto on the cheek, and well Makoto was blushing furiously, which just caused Yamazaki to laugh. They said goodnight and Makoto headed upstairs. And well… well it had been perfect.

*

He finally got up out of bed. He started singing to himself as he got into the shower. Then he sang while he got dressed. His alarm hadn’t even gone off by the time he went back out into the kitchen. He checked his phone. He had like 800 messages holy shit.

 

_From: Haru-chan_

_Were you safe? I hope you were safe_

Makoto rolled his eyes before reading the next message from Haru, which was time stamped about a half hour later.

 

_From: Haru-chan_

_I guess Yamazaki’s ok… maybe_

 

_From: Haru-chan_

_He’s not ok if he didn’t use protection_

 

Makoto silently chuckled. That was pretty much a blessing as far as he was concerned. He typed back that he had been extremely safe, so safe in fact that he hadn’t even had a sleepover.

 

_From: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_Morning_ _I hope that you slept well_

 

Makoto sent his own good morning back saying that he’d slept great and hoped that Sousuke had a wonderful day. And Makoto was definitely dancing in the kitchen when he saw a message from Mikoshiba. He stopped dancing and was just about to open it when the door flew open. Mikoshiba traipsed into the apartment.

“Makoto! Sleeping beauty up yet?”

“Hey Mikoshiba, I don’t think he is.”

“You get my text?”

“I was just about to check it.”

“Well the place above us has water damage, we have to close for a couple days while they fix it.”

“What? Will it be okay?”

“Yeah I was just over there and it looks alright. I put up a sign and messaged all of our employees. Momo also told the ladies just in case they were planning on stopping by.”

“Oh ok.”

“So yeah no work until Thursday.”

“Got it.”

“Anyway I brought breakfast for you and Kisumi, wasn’t sure if you'd be here or not, but Kisumi always says that it’s a 50/50 so, it seems that I guessed right.”

“You’re the best roommates boyfriend ever,” Makoto said as he inhaled from the proffered coffee cup, before realizing that he should text Sousuke and tell him that his schedule was officially open. After he finished texting he looked back up to find Mikoshiba staring at him. He felt his own soft smile melt away. “What?”

Mikoshiba just raised his brows.

“I was just texting Sousuke,” Makoto said happily.

“The boy with the boyfriend who isn’t you?” came a sleepy voice.

Shigino stumbled out of his room, his hair all kinds of bird nesty. But Mikoshiba just gave him a morning kiss, bad breath and all and Makoto busied himself with his waffles that Mikoshiba had gotten for him.

“So what do you need to talk to that guy about so early in the morning?” Mikoshiba continued as if there hadn’t just been a Kisumi sized interruption in their conversation.

“Well, we’re actually dating now.”

Mikoshiba looked horrified. “Oh and he wasn’t dating that other guy. Isn’t dating him I mean.” Makoto quickly explained the picture thing.

“That is something else,” Mikoshiba said shaking his head as Shigino squawked and hugged Makoto, snuggling into his neck and almost falling back asleep.

“Hey Kisumi don’t fall asleep on Makoto,” Mikoshiba reprimanded as he pried Shigino off of Makoto and into a chair, before shoving an omelette under his nose.

“Mmm food,” Shigino said dreamily.

*

Makoto spent the rest of the day fielding all of Shigino’s questions about Yamazaki.

When would Shigino get to meet him. How tall was this Yamazaki. Oh so Shigino couldn’t beat him up if he needed to, but Mikoshiba could if persuaded properly. Makoto told Shigino to stop being gross. Well then why do you like him? Should Shigino do any investigative work into his past.

“Shigino that’s creepy,” Mikoshiba said idly as he read his business journals that he had brought over and randomly entered in and out of the conversation.

“Makoto we can go on double dates now,” Shigino said quietly after a slew of increasingly weird questions about Yamazaki’s family and myriad other things that Makoto couldn’t answer. “I’m happy for you.”

They then decided to go out to another coffee shop just to hang out.

“It’s not in bad form,” Mikoshiba had said as he showed them to the place, “consider it reconnaissance.”

“How do you mean?” Shigino asked looking perplexed.

“This is one of our many enemies. Mostly because their coffee and food is so yummy,” Mikoshiba said as he laughed loudly and held the door open for them.

They ordered their coffee and food and went over to a corner table. Makoto had brought his laptop so that he could look up course listings for the next year. He and Shigino were entering their third year and thus he had a little more leeway in his course choices.

“Senpai, when is your dad retiring?” Makoto said as he frowned down at the course listing.

“Who knows. He’s already passed most of the operations of the café off to me, but he’s still taking care of his other cafés around Tokyo. I think he probably won’t retire until Momo graduates too.”

“Is Momo going to work in business too?” Makoto asked. He couldn’t really imagine him in mangagement.

Mikoshiba grinned wryly.

“Maybe he’d be good at marketing,” Shigino said as he continued to sketch.

“Marketing?” Makoto asked baffled.

“Hah! Kisumi knows my brother so well,” Mikoshiba said like a proud parent.

Shigino turned a little pink and mumbled something about Momo asking him about his sketches and talking about branding a lot.

“Well he definitely has the personality of a salesman,” Mikoshiba said. “He hasn’t agreed to anything yet, but I bet he will eventually. He’d be good at small business or marketing. I think he just wants us all to know it before he signs on.”

Makoto thought about it. What would it be like to know what you wanted to do? Makoto liked literature, and swimming. He liked hanging out with his friends and talking about their hopes, their dreams, their futures. But Makoto wasn’t really sure about his own. When he’d been in high school he’d told Haru that he was going to go to school in Tokyo. That he wanted to study literature. But he hadn’t really known what he _wanted_ _to do_ with it. 

“You ok Mako?” Shigino asked peering at him in concern.

“Yeah,” he said sighing. “I bet Momo will show us all before long how good he can be,” Makoto said as he quickly remembered what they had been talking about. He smiled brightly at them and Shigino seemed to relax again. Makoto needed to cool his jets and stop worrying. It would be fine. Not knowing what to do was ok. But maybe he should meet with his advisor to discuss it anyway.


	13. So Play It Loud, Turn Up the Kick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto participates in shenanigans and Rin gets ahold of some sangria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from "The Singularity" by Miracles of Modern Science

_July 28_

Makoto had continued to fret about what he wanted to do with his future. He emailed his advisor to set up a time to meet at the beginning of the term in September.

_August 12_

 

Makoto had been dating Sousuke for a month and they’d gone out to dinner to celebrate their anniversary.

 

_August 26_

 

It was a Friday and Sousuke was going to meet him at his apartment because 1) Shigino was out with Mikoshiba and 2) then they could go together to meet Rin and Haru at The Grave. At 7:03 the doorbell rang.

Makoto opened the door to find Sousuke looking at him happily. He was wearing one of his suits, and damn did he look good. Before Makoto could follow that train of thought Sousuke was wrapping his arms around him and letting his warmth seep over Makoto. Makoto let his arms loop under and grip at Sousuke’s shoulders lightly as he breathed in. Sousuke always smelled good, even when he’d been out in the heat and humidity of August.

“Hey,” Yamazaki said as he loosened his grip, pulling back just enough so that he could look into Makoto’s eyes.

Makoto leaned forward and let his lips brush against Sousuke’s slowly, lightly. It was over before it went anywhere past fluffy.

“How was work?” Makoto asked as he let Sousuke in. They went over to the couch.

“Good, long, this suit is…” Sousuke gestured to himself and laughed. Makoto knew that he was trying to make a point about how hot the thick material was, but all he could do was blink and refrain from saying something stupid like _I’m sure it is hot and thick,_ or _maybe you should just wear suits all of the time._ He needed to be helpful not a deviant. With this in mind Makoto leaned in, not even thinking about it. He slipped his fingers into Sousuke’s tie and started to remove it. He was so busy focusing on being gentle that he almost missed the sharp intake of breath from Yamazaki.

Makoto looked up and saw a light dusting of pink on Sousuke’s cheeks.

“Ah sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“Didn’t mean to what?” Sousuke said with surprising intensity.

Makoto looked away as he felt himself heat up. “I just thought you might be more comfortable if…” he trailed off and glanced up. Sousuke’s lips were slightly parted and _oh… ok._ Sousuke was leaning in as if he didn’t even realize what he was doing. Makoto stiffened as he felt Sousuke’s hand cradle the back of his head and brush through his hair. And then he melted into him. He felt as his mouth opened to lightly kiss Makoto before his teeth grazed Makoto’s bottom lip. He shivered and found himself inching closer, being drawn in as his hand settled on Sousuke’s shoulder. He didn’t mean to travel, but it was an uncomfortable angle, and before he knew it his thighs were on either side of Sousuke’s. His hands had moved to his chest where he lightly pressed into the fabric of Sousuke’s button down. And Sousuke had one hand still stroking his hair as the other lay on Makoto’s thigh barely moving. His tongue flicked into the warmth of Sousuke’s mouth and he let out a little huff as he felt Sousuke’s own tongue tracing into him. He felt his mouth heat up as he and Sousuke  kissed more fervently. Sousuke’s hand gripped his hair and Makoto slowly began to unbutton Sousuke’s shirt while Sousuke’s other hand ran up his side. He didn’t know how long the kisses and roaming hands lasted. How long it was before he felt himself heating up and his hips moved down of their own accord. But then Sousuke was pulling back and panting. And Makoto saw how flushed he was and knew that he must look the same.

Sousuke’s hands fell to Makoto’s legs. “We shouldn’t,” Sousuke finally rasped out, his eyes closed and his breathing slowing. Makoto barely registered the words as he stared at Sousuke through half lidded eyes.

“Why,” Makoto said breathlessly as he looked down at Sousuke.

Sousuke’s eyes snapped open and he groaned as he pushed Makoto off. “Fuck, Rin and Nanase.”

Makoto was now sitting next to Sousuke and blinking. Rin and Nanase? Why was he bringing them up at a- oh shit. Makoto stumbled up to a standing position and almost fell over.

“What time is it,” he said as he looked around frantically.

Sousuke was groaning with his hands over his eyes.

“Sousuke, time, we need to, fuck. Not fuck fuck but, shit.”

Makoto ran into the kitchen _7:54._ Oh my god they had just been making out for like an hour. Well almost an hour. He looked down at the slight bulge in his pants and ran to the bathroom. He splashed his face with water. _Unsexy things, UNSEXY THINGS, ok that time that he walked in on Shigino and Mikoshiba. Sewage, pot roast, cute cats, swimming._ He looked down. Shit still not good enough. _Mummies, zombies, graveyards and dead things in general._

He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later to find Sousuke with his head in his hands. He didn’t look too happy either.

“Sousuke.”

Yamazaki looked up and he looked so sad.

“Sousuke please, please stop making that face. And your shirt….” Makoto said as he turned away to grab his keys.

 

_Meanwhile…_

 

Haru and Rin had arrived at The Grave promptly at 8:00 and made their way over to their usual table.

Haru had water and Rin had a pitcher of Sangria. Haru raised his eyebrows

“This is in celebration of our best friends fucking or whatever the hell they do.”

They hadn’t been able to see each other at The Grave since Makoto and Yamazaki had started dating – someone had always been unable to make it due to work.

“Sousuke won’t admit it but he loves Sangria, he is the gayest of the gays the poofiest of the poofs,” Rin said gleefully as he began drinking from his glass. Haru rolled his eyes, what the hell was a poof.

“I doubt he’s the gayest,” he muttered.

“Haruka pUHlease just accept that I, as Sousuke’s best friend know _ta panta_ , all things, about him.”

“Ok so why is he such a dick, tell me that,” Haru said without thinking.

Rin was glad that Haruka was more open with him, but ugh.

“Rude Haruka so rude. He’s not a dick. He’s just…”

“A jerk?”

“He was only a jerk to you in high school,” Rin said defensively as he sipped through his purple straw. “He wanted to protect me. And he’s changed Haru and when you get to know him he’s really nice like so so nice. Also if I like him _and_ Makoto likes him then how can he be bad? I mean seriously that’s just logic,” _slurp, slurp, slurp._

Haru was silent and Rin looked up to see him frowning slightly.

Rin scooted closer. Haru didn’t move. Rin put his arm around Haru’s shoulder and stared at him as he took a big slurp from his straw and hollowed his cheeks.

“Stop that,” Haru said as he shoved his hand over Rin’s face.

Rin squirmed before backing up.

“Hey Haru?”

“Hmm?”

“I just- I really want you and Sousuke to get along,” he said quietly.

Haru wouldn’t mind getting along, but well every time he’d ever been alone with Yamazaki, Yamazaki had been mean and aggressive.

“Have you told him that?” Haru said petulantly.

Rin frowned.

“Well maybe you should,” Haru said. Then he sighed, “but you’re right I’ll try.”

“Yes Haru I love you! I.love.you.”

Haru could practically see Rin’s tail wagging as he glomped onto him.

*

By the time Makoto and Sousuke made it to the bar Rin was well on his way to drunk. Makoto tried to avoid Haru’s gaze, because he knew that just one look would tell Haru everything that he needed to know.

“Sousukeee, what kind of a best friend are yous,” Rin was saying as Yamazaki walked over to him. Makoto finally gave in. There was no way he’d be able to survive if he didn’t look at Haru all evening. He tried to school his expression blank and looked up. Haru’s eyes were narrowed as he looked at Makoto.

“You’ve been doing dirty things,” he said much too loudly.

Makoto wimpered. “Haruuuu how can you say that.”

Haru made the prissiest “hmph” noise that Makoto had ever heard before flouncing back to his seat next to Rin. Rin and Sousuke were both looking at Makoto incredulously.

“Don’t act like this is all on me,” Makoto grumbled.

“Bad Yamazaki,” Rin finally said as he whipped his head towards Sousuke, his sangria teetering precariously on the edge of the table.

“What now?” Yamazaki said as he rolled his eyes.

“Makoto is a nice pure, beautiful, and pure… person,” he said frowning. “You can’t be mean to him.” Haru was side eyeing Rin as if he couldn’t decide whether he was proud of his boyfriend for taking his side or disappointed by his lack of diction.

“Hmm I wonder, was I being mean Makoto,” Yamazaki said turning to him and smiling innocently.

Makoto could feel his ears going red. “Let’s just have some sangria,” he said quickly and he fumbled with the remaining glasses.

A half hour later found Makoto helping Rin to get another pitcher of sangria. Haru had gone to the bathroom and Rin had been so excited about more sangria that Makoto had offered to help him, because yikes someone needed to ensure that the pitcher actually made it to their table in an upright position.

As Makoto was balancing the pitcher through the crowd Rin leaned in and loudly whispered to him.

“Hey, psst, hey Makoto.”

Makoto turned to look at him, what in the world.

“Um, yes?” he said as he slowed down.

“We need to set up my boyfriend and your boyfriend.” Makoto’s heart sped up.

“What?”

“Best friends don’t like each other, it’s a problem,” and oh, _oh_. Of course Rin meant set up as in a friend time. Jeez what was Makoto thinking.

“Um won’t they kill each other,” he said as he stopped completely.

“Well they might, but we have to risk it.”

“What?” Makoto hissed. “Rin, how can we let that happen?”

“If they love us they’ll do this, but really we’ll do it secretly so they’ll have no choice. Ok good talk we’ll plan later.” And Rin was strutting over to their table without so much as a backwards glance. Ah hell. Makoto had definitely felt worried when Rin said _if they love us_ cause well… well Sousuke definitely didn’t love him – yet. And also sneaking this? Oh my God did it sound like a bad idea.

Makoto didn’t get to talk to Rin about “the plan” for the rest of the evening. And at around 10:30 they all decided to call it a night.

He dragged his ass home after promising to see everyone the following weekend. Maybe Rin would forget, lord knows that he was drunk enough.

Makoto got ready for bed and then got out his phone. He texted Sousuke asking if they could go on another date soon. But he drifted off before he got a reply back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed. We're moving into more happy territory for the next couple of chapters :) :) :)


	14. We Don't Notice Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto becomes Rin's Second in Command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: lyrics from "We’re Going To Be Friends" by The White Stripes

_To: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_Want to meet up on Thursday?_

 

Makoto felt queasy.

 

_From: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_Sure want me to come over?_

Shit oh shit. No calm down.

“Rin what do I say?”

“Here give it here!”

 

_To: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_Let’s meet at the park by Shibuya Station at 7_

“Why are we making them meet there?”

“Because I made reservations, also we’re paying it’s the only way. I told Haru that I’d take him to a mackerel place around there.”

“Ok… Rin I still think that this is a bad idea. Shouldn’t we just let them be?”

“Damnit Makoto this is war! And I need a First Officer who is going to support me!”

“Meep! Yes sir!” Makoto was trembling. Rin was scary when he set his mind to something.

 

_Thursday 6:00_

Thursday found Makoto with Rin at a restaurant on the 6th floor of a building that neither of them had ever been to. Rin had said that headquarters had to be somewhere where they couldn’t be found. At 7:05 Makoto got a text from Haru saying that he would personally be responsible for his castration. And Rin got one saying that Haru knew that Rin was the real mastermind and that he hoped that Rin enjoyed sleeping alone.

Makoto exchanged a scared look with Rin.

“Be strong First Officer Tachibana.”

He texted Haru the reservations. Haru told him not to think that this was over.

Makoto tried not to cry, but his lip was already sore from his constant gnawing.

“Why isn’t Sousuke texting us?” Makoto said as he stared at his phone.

What if Sousuke was actually really angry? Makoto didn’t know what had happened between Haru and Sousuke, but Haru seemed really upset and that was no easy feat. It actually kind of bothered Makoto. But well Rin wouldn’t have a best friend who was a bad guy right?

“Hey Makoto, don’t stress about this ok?”

Makoto looked up to find Rin looking at him in concern. “It’s supposed to be fun you know? And well now we get to hang out too so that’s good.”

Makoto hadn’t thought about that. It had in fact been an extremely long time since he and Rin had hung out just the two of them.

“Look everyone knows that this was my idea, so you won’t get in trouble. Haruka will forgive you first that’s for sure. And listen there’s no way that Sousuke would be upset with you about this so don’t worry about that.”

“Why isn’t he texting then?”

“He’s probably resigned to his fate, he’s really chilled out in the past couple of years,” Rin said shrugging.

Makoto hadn’t really known him in high school, but Sousuke was indeed pretty chill now.

“Let’s just hang out and have a good bro night yeah?”

Makoto was definitely in favor of that. He trusted Rin. He just needed to relax. They ordered food, and wine and while Rin was in the middle of a story about his ‘good ol’ Samezuka days’ Rin got a text.

“It’s from Haruka,” he said as he scanned it quickly, his brow furrowed. “Hmm.” Makoto held his breath. “Oh… ah.”

Makoto tried to lean across the table to see.

“Rin, what’s he saying.”

“Well I think that he’s drunk.”

Makoto gaped. Haru did not drink. Well like a beer here or half a cocktail there. “But…” Makoto’s mouth opened and closed in silent horror.

He looked up and saw Rin looking disgruntled. Makoto put down his chopsticks and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Rin?”

“Oh…” Rin seemed to hesitate. “I… well Haruka never drinks.” And did Rin sound kind of…. Makoto gasped.

“Rin are you jealous?” Rin looked flustered and flapped his arms like a giant bird.

“Well how the hell did that deviant do it?”

“What? You were just telling me about how un-deviant-y Sousuke is.” Makoto said looking startled. He fidgeted in his seat feeling slightly light-headed as he tried to wrap his head around how Rin was jealous and how Sousuke had done it.

Rin grumbled something.

“What?”

“I’m not actually jealous, it’s not like I ever really tried to get Haruka to drink. It’s just…”

“Surprising?”

Rin’s shoulders relaxed. “Yeah.”

“Do you think that this means that they’ve made up?”

“Well they’re on their way to karaoke together right now so…”

“What?” Makoto checked his watch it was almost 9:00. “Doesn’t Sousuke have work tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Rin answered his brow re-furrowing. “Arghhhh how the hell did this happen? Now they’re going to fall in love and leave us forever,” Rin started fake sobbing. Makoto let out a laugh as he noticed Rin snickering. Rin’s phone buzzed. His eyes scanned quickly before he looked up at Makoto. “But seriously we’re not invited to karaoke, Sousuke texted to say that Haruka has deemed it our punishment.”

Makoto grinned back at Rin.

Their waiter came and they ordered desert. Makoto was happily chomping when he got a text himself.

_From: Yamazaki Sousuke_

_Sorry that you can’t join us for karaoke. I’ll call you tonight_ _J_

Makoto smiled fondly at his phone before he remembered something. “Hey Rin?”

“Yarhe,” Rin said around a mouthful of cheesecake.

“Do you,” Makoto fidgeted maybe he shouldn’t ask after all, but no Rin would tell him if it was inappropriate to ask. “Do you know what happened between Haru and Sousuke?”

Rin looked at him in confusion before his eyebrows raised up in realization.

“You mean why they don’t like each other?” Rin asked as he slowly put his fork down.

“Yeah.”

Rin was silent.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have- It’s ok if-”

“What? Jeez Mako it’s fine,” Rin said looking thoroughly startled out of his thought process. “I just am kind of confused as to why you don’t know?” And he did look confused.

Makoto hunched in on himself. “I didn’t want to ask, I figured that Haru would tell me when he was ready, and I didn’t really know Sousuke, but now… well I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Oh,” Rin said and his eyes softened. “Well I finally badgered Sousuke about it at the end of high school after our last tournament and he told me what had happened. Apparently Sousuke was kind of mean to Haru, at the time he thought that Haru was holding me back. I think it took him a long time to realize that Haru is necessary for my swimming.”

Makoto didn’t really understand and it must have shown on his face because Rin plowed on.

“I mean I swim so that I can swim with people. That’s when I’m at my best. And well,” his voice got softer and somehow more intimate, “I love Haru and no one makes me better than he does.” Makoto felt like he was invading on something very private. The way that Rin was looking off into some vague past or future made Makoto feel a pang of longing in his chest; he hoped that one day someone would look like that when it came to him. He felt sad, but snapped to attention when he saw Rin shake his head as if trying to pull himself out of a memory.

“Anyway Sousuke’s stubborn and didn’t really know how to apologize to Haruka, I think that he does feel bad about it though. But I guess everything’s ok now?”

Makoto nodded. Everything did seem to be ok now.

“So you staying over tonight?”

“Yeah, besides drunk Haru is something that I’d like to see.”

*

Makoto and Rin were playing Zombie Night Terror when they heard a series of thumps coming from the hall. They paused the game and looked at each other. There was an even louder thump against the door and then a high-pitched whine. Yikes.

Rin ran up to the door, Makoto right behind him. Rin quickly opened the door only to have Haru fall into him.

“Rin…” he breathed as he squashed his face into Rin’s neck. Makoto watched in shock before his gaze landed on Sousuke standing behind him. Sousuke was wearing a look of mixed amusement and resignation. His suit was all ruffled and he seemed to be panting. Oh my god did he have to like haul Haru’s ass back home. Makoto caught Sousuke’s eyes and gave him a small smile before looking back to Rin and Haru. Rin was dragging Haru to the couch. Makoto went to the bathroom to haul out the pills and then over to the kitchen. He was pouring a glass of water when he felt a heavy weight settle on him from behind.

“Hey,” Sousuke murmured as he lightly kissed Makoto’s cheek.

“Hey yourself.” He turned off the water and put the glass down before turning. “Did you have a good time?”

Sousuke backed up a little to give him breathing room, but his hands remained settled on his waist.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’m glad that… I’m glad that Haruka was able to forgive me.”

So Sousuke must have apologized. And Makoto looked at him and Sousuke looked sad. Almost bitter as if he were angry with his past self.

“Hey,” Makoto said as he raised his hand to brush his thumb lightly over Sousuke’s cheek. He leaned in to kiss him slowly and softly. “It’s ok now. You apologized. We’re all mean sometimes.”

Sousuke chuckled and gave a wry smile. “I don’t think that you could ever be mean,” he said quietly.

Makoto blushed and turned around to get the glass of water. “That’s not true,” he said quietly. Then he realized something. “Hey you didn’t call him Nanase,” he said as he turned back grinning.

Sousuke just looked at him for a while before smiling and grabbing his free hand. “Yeah.” And with that he pulled Makoto back into the living room.

Makoto was trying to calm down his blush, his eyes trained on Sousuke’s back, but then Sousuke’s back was much closer. _Smack._

“Why did you stop?” Makoto peeked his head around at the same time as Sousuke’s grip tightened on his hand. Haru was straddling Rin and they were in the midst of the most heated makeout session. And there goes Makoto’s blush again.

Makoto quickly put down the water on a side table as he and Sousuke bolted for the door. He would not be staying over at Rin’s after all.

As they left Makoto could hear Rin telling Haru to calm down, that they had guests, but then Makoto heard Haru in a way that he never wanted to hear Haru. He clapped his hands over his ears and ran past Sousuke down the hall. Screw being an adult he did not need to know what any of his friends sounded like in bed. He remembered Shigino. Ah hell. He turned around as he tripped out the main door. Sousuke came down the steps looking amused a few minutes later.

“Something bothering you?” he said as he draped an arm around Makoto.

“It should be bothering you too,” he said quietly as Sousuke turned in the direction of the train station.

“Yeah it does,” he said as he squeezed Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto asked Sousuke about his dinner with Haru while they walked. Sousuke was so animated and in some ways he seemed to be describing a very lively Haru that Makoto had come to know only post-high school. Makoto was so relieved that Sousuke and Haru got along that he missed about half of the story, just listening to Sousuke talking happily.

“I didn’t realize that Haruka liked English music so much. He got so drunk. He told me that he doesn’t sing English songs with Rin because Rin makes fun of his accent.” Sousuke was shaking his head and chuckling. God he was so handsome. Makoto could feel himself blushing again. And seriously how often was his blood where it was supposed to be? Apparently never.

“Makoto do you want to stay over tonight?” Makoto tensed, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was startled. He’d never actually been to Sousuke’s apartment. Oh and they’d never shared a bed before. “Ah if you’d rather sleep in your own bed it’s ok.”  

“No I… I want to,” he said as he swallowed down the nerves that had all of a sudden cropped up.

“Ok.”


End file.
